daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

( the redirection is sudden, though it should have been expected. he would've asked after the same, were their positions reversed.

xingchen doesn't intend to lie to him. he supposes his remaining options are to slip through the matter quickly but tactfully (and risk it coming up again once they've reunited in person) or to yank the arrow from the wound and let it get its bleeding out of the way before runyu arrives to see it. )

The blizzard ended just after the disaster did.

I was unable to reach the lodge.

[ Runyu falls silent. There are several possible meanings behind that answer, meanings Runyu is loathe to probe for. Even if it is his duty to learn what his pride caused, he hesitates in bringing his friend's pain to light. There is also limited means to discern how deep the pain runs from the consequences if Xingchen disguises it with courtesy through this device.

Despite the turmoil inside, his response remains short. ]

I apologize for leading you to such a dangerous task.

No need. You weren't yourself.

( because xingchen hadn't come. )

If I had taken the enemy more seriously, it may not have happened. My apology stands as I stopped asking after your health and could have brought you to harm.

It was simpler that you didn't. I wouldn't have turned back.

[ Runyu does not respond to this for some time, choosing to put up his laptop and travel some more, looking for something to direct him in one steady direction. However, moving on is more of an excuse than his true purpose. He has not received any further guidance on this location from Xingchen after all. But his friend's last reply heavily implies that he perished in the blizzard. Alone. Because of Runyu's carelessness and his arrogance in believing he could stand as confidently against those enemies here as he has done in his realm, before his descent tainted his path.

In the back of his mind, in the part that remains calm and aloof in spite of the emotions Runyu has allowed to take hold of himself again, Runyu reasons that he cannot accept all of the blame for this. That Xingchen had admitted to being unwilling to cease his endeavor. But for Runyu, that is not enough.

Because again, his actions has doomed another friend.

And this time, he has another chance.

And he's uncertain whether that is a chance he deserves or has been set before him as another punishment. ]

I am sorry nonetheless.

Runyu, please don't do this.

It's difficult enough to reconcile with having allowed them to kill you. I cannot watch you blame yourself for all of it as well. I just can't. It wasn't your doing. You did nothing but fight until you were overcome.

I was supposed to be there.

[ Cutting up carrots now, Runyu almost misses his host's joke but the meaning dawns on him and he laughs, covering his mouth a moment later to quell the amusement. If asked, he can argue that he doesn't want to distract his host while cooking blind, but honestly, his amusement has caught him off guard. And the reaction to stifle it followed instinctually. Even in a new realm, it is difficult to let his guard down after all he's been through.

He chuckles as he finishes the vegetables, considering how to best reply. ]

I'm sure you've shocked many of your foes with that fact.

[ Runyu releases a small sigh at his friend's desperate cry. Last time, he hadn't listened to his friend's cry, until it was too late. He couldn't forgive or forget his mistakes. And he only committed more. But Xingchen's pain is more than he can stand. A pressure builds against his temples, and he leans against another tree, torn between accepting the weakness or ending the relationship before it can affect him further.

Although, if he were honest with himself, it really isn't a choice. This risk matters more than anything else. He could ask forgiveness later. ]

You tried. That should be enough.

[ There is a pause before more words follow. ]

For both of us.

[ He remains against the tree, staring at nothing in particular, blood rushing through his ears. ]

( he tried. xingchen lets out a miserable cough-breath, ignoring the dampness he feels along the line of his closed eyelids. of course he tried. )

It isn't

( he's terribly glad that his words convey as text. it means that for the moment, he doesn't have to take care to regulate his tone. )

It isn't enough.

I should have been there.

Edited 2021-01-24 01:45 (UTC)

[ This time the response follows almost immediately after Xingchen's message, though there is a moment of hesitation in Runyu before sending it. He does not want to add salt to his friend's anguish, but he does not know how to help him without using the truth. ]

Your attempt to reach us resulted in your death. It is enough.

( ah. he knows about the death. xingchen's mind reels for some means by which to deny it, but dishonesty doesn't suit him even in such circumstances. )

It can't be.

( it comes too quickly, just as quickly as the last. )

Do you ever think back and wonder when it was that you stopped being who you once were?

I once could've trusted myself to protect those I care about.

( but in the heavy pause which follows comes a sharp sort of regret. he shouldn't have said that. shouldn't have burdened runyu with this on top of allowing him to be killed. )

Forgive me. This isn't your burden to bear. Please don't worry for me.

You are not alone in asking that question. Or both questions. Although perhaps it was never my place to protect anyone without repercussions.

[ There is another pause. ]

I am in a dead forest. I have not been here before.

( even after he's offered an out, xingchen turns the first segment over in his mind. he should say something, he knows as much - something kind and reassuring. but what comes out instead is, )

Perhaps we have more in common than ever I've realized.

( 'perhaps it was never my place to protect anyone without repercussions.' runyu may as well have stolen the words from the core of the pressure squeezing at xingchen's chest, from the lurching knot in his stomach. but not just there - it's a truth that has echoed through him since he first arrived here, his proper death stolen away from him.

and yet he tried regardless, because he is a fool. and because the alternative is to simply give up, here in a place in which ending things isn't even a viable option as it had been in his own realm. and because he doesn't know if he can ever be a person who gives anything short of his all to try to preserve that which is precious to him, even knowing that doing so dooms that very thing. )

I think I know of the place. If you're able, try to make your way southeast.

I'll be there when I can.

( even as a cold lick of desperate helplessness flickers through him, bubbling up as a cough-laugh that isn't even properly funny, because he truly is a fool, isn't he? wasn't he just considering the harm his offered help tends to do? and yet here he goes, pulling together a bag of clothing and food and clean bottled water. a passing thought toward the tea he's just brewed has him pouring that carefully into a thermos, which he seals up tightly and slips into the backpack as well.

then he returns to the laptop one final time, in case runyu has responded. )

[ Oh. Oh. He doesn't quite know how to... Well. ]

Your company makes it better here, too.

But warm your hands now. We will speak later.

[ Little that he knows he won't be himself anymore by the time "they" speak next. ]

( xingchen would very much prefer for his company to be making it better there in person, but that's fine. he will arrive as soon as he's able. he has hardly reached the extent of his patience just yet.

but as cold as it is, there's one last thing that seems important to convey before his friend steps away from the laptop and back into the fray. )

Wanyin.

No more burns.

( but before jiang wanyin can answer, )

I know

Please try.

( and then he's closing his laptop and fumbling it back into his bag, arms crossing to tuck ten frigid fingers into his armpits under the outer layer of robe. )

Edited 2021-01-26 14:17 (UTC)

[ The next message doesn't come until hours later, written from Jiang Cheng's laptop but by something that only wears his skin. ]

Where are you? I need you here.

( the reply takes a moment - xingchen has to shift back from fox form, to feel at the clothing draped around the modest fire (as best it's able in the small cave he's found) to figure out which is the dryest, and to wrap it around himself so that he can use the laptop without freezing solid. )

I stopped not long ago to dry my clothes. It shouldn't take more than an hour.

( based on the length of the response, he's also regained feeling in his face (and his fingers, one can assume) in the process. )

Has something happened?

[ Good. The bait has been accepted. ]

It's getting ever more dangerous. There are more of them and less of us.

Nobody can be trusted.

Are you safe where you are?

( at last check, jiang wanyin could tuck himself away in his suite and rest in relative safety - but if such a thing has changed, if his friend has nowhere secure to retreat...

xingchen only barely resists the nagging itch to reclaim his clothes and prepare to set off regardless of the state of his clothes. )

[ This time, it hesitates. How hard can it push? The vessel is proud. The question is, how gullible is this prey? Or rather, how much does he want to be the one who saves the vessel? ]

I don't know. It is hard to tell. They are everywhere.

( in truth, he doesn't need to be the one who saves him, as long as jiang wanyin is saved at all. as long as he walks away from this intact. but that seems increasingly unlikely as the situation escalates - that is, unless xingchen makes it to the lodge. )

My clothes are dry enough.

Speak quietly, turn down the lights. And tell me if you're leaving the suite, if you can.

I'm coming.

( and that's that, at least for the time being. the night has long since come by the time he replies again, at least three or four hours since his prior message. )

Resting again.

I have to try again to dry my clothes.

( but this isn't a cave - it's a sheltered crevice at best - and no kindling scatters the floor like the last.

nothing to worry jiang wanyin with. he'll find a way to manage. )

[ It takes a while for the parasite to next check its messages, as it had been out hunting. The sword and commanding voice make its vessel someone who knows how to handle this crisis in the eyes of the frightened prey. It makes for a rewarding hunt. ]

Again? Have you made any progress at all?

( the message gives him pause, though perhaps not for the reason it should. it's not suspicion, but the briefest sting of something deeper even than the cold can touch.

xingchen should have been there by now, shouldn't he? or quite a bit closer.

he's disappointing him. )

I have. A number of miles, by my estimate.

( a beat, and then - )

I've given you my word, haven't I? I will be there, as quickly as I'm able. All you need to do is stay alive until then. If anyone stands capable of that, it's you.

( because this irritation, it's fear, isn't it? this wouldn't be the first time jiang wanyin has gotten snappish when he's anxious, and he has ample cause to be quite anxious right now. )

You have given me your word, yes. I'm going to need you to keep it.

Everyone here is exhausted and injured. We need more fighters to turn the tide but most of the guests and staff are useless. Soft, spoiled common folk who have never held a weapon.

ic inbox, ryslig.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN>** I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.