ic inbox, ryslig.

[daozhangs]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN> I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

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[daozhangs]

( though xingchen can't see the nod, he does catch the faint attempt at a smile (or alternatively, a bracing grimace - they sound quite similar, at times) shaping jiang wanyin's next breath, and the words that follow are entirely more confident in his capabilities than he himself is. perhaps he should be more so - as hopelessly disoriented as he had been, he can't deny that he would have at least escaped the bar in some shape or form. but making it home? no, certainly not. he would have retreated to the nearest alley to hide somewhere relatively quiet and attempt to gather his bearings while he waited to shift back or at least sober up.

'but i'm glad i was there to help.' now xingchen's own lips curve in a quiet smile of his own, the first since their lighthearted antics at the bar, but he can't quite help it. such a statement was far more genuine than jiang wanyin typically finds himself able to offer, however simple it may have been. what follows is more assurance, more confidence in xingchen's capability - but this time, in dealing with xue yang himself. his attention lifts from his tea now as if to look at jiang wanyin, expression slightly more inscrutable. someone prepared to leap to conclusions might read it as doubt of the truth of such a statement, but it isn't. he would have done what needed to be done. instead, he wonders how it could possibly be that even knowing all that he does about what xingchen has done, and even after the disaster that became of their outing, jiang wanyin's faith in him still doesn't seem to waver.

what comes next - 'i won't let him kill you again.' - only drives the point home. and it aches, a strange feeling between his lungs, somehow hollow and light and heavy all at once. )

He didn't. ( the words come out without so much as a flinch or a waver, without even stopping to consider whether such a confession is wise. if wisdom is deceiving jiang wanyin, he has no need of it. ) I did.

[legbreakings]

You killed yourself? [ This is a course of action Jiang Cheng had never even considered when he listened to the piecemeal explanation he had gotten of the juniors' Yi City adventures. He had simply leaped to the obvious conclusion and left it at that, mostly since at the time it had hardly been relevant. Then, once Xiao Xingchen became a very much relevant part of his life here in Ryslig, he had never thought to second-guess his previous assumptions.

He regards him in silence for some long moments and thinks back to what little he had learned about his fate.

He thinks also of his own feelings here in this place - being at the mercy of a cruel and evil power that will use you to hurt others, with no path of escape. His own assertions that if death were a recourse, it would be one that needs to be taken. ]

Good. [ His voice is firm, not the cold or dismissive kind of firmness with which he brushes people off but simply the satisfaction of finding something confirmed. ] You did what you had to do. You won.

[daozhangs]

( 'you killed yourself?' xingchen draws a slow breath, bracing, but does not yet respond. the silence is thick, in such a way that xingchen is confident he's being examined, considered in light of this new information. he wouldn't be surprised if jiang wanyin's gaze has fallen to the scarring along his neck - it's still there, xingchen can't see it but if one can feel the raised ridge of it under the tip of their finger then it stands to reason that it's visible too. now the man knows such a wound was self-inflicted.

all that remains is to await his verdict.

what comes is more unexpected than it probably should've been. he was ready to be condemned for his weakness, his cowardice, and he was just as ready to have it brushed aside as 'the past' by this friend who thus far has been quite ready to forgive him any number of sins. but jiang wanyin commends it. claims that he won. xingchen doesn't feel as though he won at all. after all, xue yang hadn't wanted to kill him. that much was apparent, after three long years of whatever that had been. he had wanted to break him down, fracturing him into smaller and smaller pieces until he could no longer recognize any part of himself that was ever better than xue yang in the first place. and in this, xue yang had succeeded.

but he allows the response to go unchallenged. what good is correcting it? it feels deceptive not to, but there's no guarantee it would change jiang wanyin's mind regardless. and so instead, he presses his lips together in something not quite resembling a smile with noncommittal sound of acknowledgment, attention dropping to his tea as he picks it up again and takes another sip.

it gives him the time to figure out what to say - and finally his lips do curl into the slightest dry smile, and he says, ) It's not as if this changes what you've said. I'm fairly certain you won't let me kill myself again, either. ( there's a note of dry humor to it, but it holds true - all of that which jiang wanyin said, about not letting xue yang kill him and that which came before... who actually ended his life feels irrelevant in the grand scheme of it. in the faith and solidarity it's expressing. )

[legbreakings]

[ Jiang Cheng gives a little noise somewhere between a snort and a scoff, or what would have been that anyway if every noise he makes now isn't an artificial approximation coming from his speakers. The dry humor matching Xingchen's own in his eyes and the quirk of his lips remains unchanged, though these of course are things Xingchen isn't able to appreciate. ]

I wouldn't. I have no doubt it was the right choice - the proper choice - when denying a villain his victory, and the opportunity to use you as his tool. [ Keep using him as his tool, rather, but he's not quite that callous to give an unnecessary reminder of what Xiao Xingchen very well knows. ] But we have already established that this way holds no gain here. Not unless we learn of a way to prevent the loss of memory and self repeated death eventually leads to. [ He taps his fingers on the tabletop. ] Thus. No. I expect more useful contributions from you.

[ And yet he can still appreciate the choice and the decisiveness that had permitted him to go through with it. There is the will to live and then there is preserving your honor and prioritizing the common good - it is good to know that his ally is capable of making the tough choices when it comes down to it. ]