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[daozhangs]

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[fishfairy]

[ That his friend considers himself to be poor company in this time is far from Runyu’s thoughts when choosing to play tonight. And that he should discuss these matters with his two friends remains a distant consideration in his mind. Because the details of the hunger is already too closely linked with another part of himself. Admitting to loneliness and even the abuse of his past is one matter, speaking of the darkness within him, that which nearly destroyed the realms and any kind relationships given him, is something else altogether. Runyu does not fear Xingchen relinquishing his friendship — his friend is far too honorable to do that. Whether or not Jiang Cheng will condemn him as a hypocrite and someone who has committed similar acts as the Fog also remains far from his mind. No, what torments him is that giving voice to that side may reawaken that urge inside him, to be recognized and honored as others have been with so little effort. For all his decades alone at night to be venerated.

Runyu abhors that part, his father’s proud golden blood in him.

That he has already given into the temptation of his latent power and cunning — after witnessing what such actions had done to two of the people most important to him — is sickening. Therein lies one of his greatest sins. Knowing, hating, and still using those same methods when broken beneath the wheel of fate.

The hunger is a dangerous beast. But, to ignore it completely, is impossible. He cannot stop committing the act that his new body demands of him, but perhaps, he can erase a portion of his friend’s own suffering by allowing this much vulnerability to surface.

After another moment, Runyu lets himself strum another note, followed by one more. The clear note rings out in the room like a breeze drifting past him in the woods at night, and though the taunting of his hunger lingers in his mind — in his body — the music pulls him into a deeper place. His throat starts to close up for another reason. One he understand but falters to name aloud. But still, Runyu lets the fingers continue, allowing his anxiety to speak when the notes quicken with his agitated mood, slipping through the strings as if chasing something. He could stop and silence it again, the memories and the grief, her haunting support, but he refuses.

For himself. And because he can help another if he breaks through.]