daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

[ Oh, it had been kind of funny when Majima Goro first told him about the giant bug who had taken over his life and left him with ten different subscriptions for mail-order ham.

Now... it is far less so and he just makes a concerned little noise, which comes out as low static crackle. ]

The colony of giant bugs beneath Lake Minska! Who sometimes replace people with bug imposters! [ His voice is driven by more urgency now as he really gets himself fired up on his new hypothesis. ] Their imposters are convincing but just somewhat off.

[ Just like Wei Wuxian, suspected bug. ]

( oh, but his glass covers his lips again now if only to properly hide his grin behind it as he tries desperately not to laugh and fails entirely in his attempt. )

Forgive me, Jiang-xiong, forgive me - I know this is serious, it's just not quite working at the moment. The serious. ( oh, but he said he'd fetch more spirits, what a good excuse. ) Here, I'll fetch you another and then I'll come back and we can discuss this with appropriate gravity, we'll be fine, ( xingchen's saying as he uncrosses his legs and rises smoothly to his feet (though his decorum is quite apparently impaired, his balance has not yet been significantly touched). then he leans to snatch jiang wanyin's drink from the table where it was so eloquently slammed, and he makes his way back up to the bar.

this time his stay at the bar is a bit shorter but also a bit more jovial, xingchen's tone is amused even if the words can't quite be caught from where they sit, and then he's returning with another pair of drinks. the one he sets in front of jiang wanyin is certainly a color. )

It's called a June Bug, I thought it was rather fitting. ( but as he sits on the couch again, he sets the other less offensive beverage beside it. ) And since I doubt you'll touch the June Bug, I've also brought you this - it's an Angry Badger. You see? Never pretend I don't know you well.

Edited 2020-10-13 11:34 (UTC)

[ Now he is getting laughed at! The indignity!

Jiang Cheng stews in silent sulking while Xiao Xingchen gets them another round of drinks and when he returns with the toxic-green atrocity he called a June Bug of al things, it does absolutely nothing to make him feel any less sulky. ]

Of course I'm not going to drink that! It looks like poison! Like green poison.[ He wrinkles his nose and pushes the June Bug towards Xingchen. Then he grabs the other drink, which looks actually vaguely like something meant to be drunk by human beings. ]

June Bug, Angry Badger, why do they give all these drinks stupid names?

Edited 2020-10-13 13:29 (UTC)

( perhaps jiang wanyin would do well to laugh as well, that way he's being laughed with instead of at. xingchen would much prefer that, for a host of reasons including but not limited to 'jiang wanyin is laughing'.

meanwhile, he can't quite decide if jiang-xiong has realized he's teased him about being an angry badger or thinks he's just teased about being particular with his drinks, but it's not worth clarifying. he'll simply take his glass of poison in hand, sink down on the couch (mostly facing jiang wanyin this time) and pull his feet unrepentantly up to sit crosslegged again. ) One can only assume they've run out of dignified ones. At least these are nicer than what they've seen fit to call the blue one.

( he takes a sip of his drink - not quite as strong this time, and a creamier sort of fruity? he thinks creamier is the word. or perhaps thicker, but not in texture.

oh, but there was an important conversation to be had. he lowers the drink back to rest in his lap at the joint of his crossed legs, his smile broadening just slightly as he says, ) Now, you have my undivided attention. Tell me what else is wrong with this Kūnchóng Laozu.

Edited 2020-10-16 10:43 (UTC)

Drinks shouldn't be that shade of blue, no matter how dignified the name is.

[ No, no, Jiang Cheng doesn't realize that he is being teased with being the Angry Badger here, and it's probably for the better he remains clueless as that would just lead to more sulking.

He's already working himself into something of a huff as he thinks about his little family problem, even if other Wei Wuxian's new title has him snickering appreciatively into his drink.

He takes another long sip while he thinks about that - there's always a whole lot to complain about when it comes to Wei Wuxian, where should he even start? ]

As for Wei Wuxian, he is... He is... [ Another sip, then it bursts out in something very close to a petulant whine ] He is shameless! He runs around half-naked and sees nothing wrong with it![ Oh, now he's getting himself properly worked up, his voice getting louder and definitely whinier - and starting to attract the attention of the other patrons. ] He's flashing his nipples!

( all of this complaining about the shade of blue really just fills xingchen with curiosity regarding precisely what shade of blue the drink actually was.

but more importantly, the problematic matter of wei wuxian - which, to xingchen's credit, he listens to quite actively as jiang wanyin goes off about wei wuxian's apparent shamelessness and undress. the utterly scandalized way in which his friend rages against the concept does finally get to him and his smile threatens to break forth again, so he (foolishly, having learned nothing regarding attempting to drink when jiang-xiong is talking,) hides it against the rim of his drink in another sip -

which is precisely when jiang wanyin says 'nipples'.

this choke is quite a bit less elegant, erupting into laughter that he can't quite suppress even as he hides the lower half of his face behind a sleeve-wrapped hand. oh, oh no, this isn't good, he shouldn't be laughing at poor jiang-xiong's plight, and he tries to rein it in as best he can, every ounce of his discipline scraping together a proper response.

what comes out is, ) I wasn't aware that insects had nipples. ( but now he's said it too - has he ever heard 'nipples' in his own voice before?

oh, but he can't keep talking or laughing about nipples, this was a serious matter, what if he's offending jiang-xiong right at this very moment? a hand reaches out without thought to take hold of the slightest bit of the other man's sleeve, and he's managed to swallow down his abject laughter even though his grin is beyond help as he says - ) I truly am trying, my friend - please don't be upset. Everything is so terribly funny at the moment. Is it always like this?

You...! You...! You...!

[ He is reduced to indignant sputtering and glowering and there is just enough humanity left in him that he can go through all the motions of his voice failing him, even if he doesn't actually have a human voice anymore. He does have enough humanity left to be the very picture of indignation, for sure. ]

It's not like he looks like a bug! [ he finally manages to defend himself, realizing only a moment later that this is really the least important line of defense. More importantly, ] Why are you laughing at me?!

[ Well, because it's funny to him, obviously, but... But! He puts his glass down and glowers at him indignantly. ] You are drunk! [ he declares, as if this is some grave and personal betrayal. ]

( oh no, he is upset. perhaps, with a bit more sobriety, that would have been xingchen's cue to release jiang wanyin's sleeve, but instead he gives it a little tug-tug (still gentle, never hard) as he objects right back with, ) You told me to be. You can't be upset with me for being the thing you've told me to be. I've tried very hard not to laugh, you have my word. ( he really, really has. truly. )

It's just, I've never quite anticipated hearing the fearsome Jiang-zongzhu say 'nipple'. ( a half-formed word begins a request for him to say it again, but that (mercifully) does register as a bad idea. instead, he presses his lips together a moment in thought, then tilts his head a little. ) If it helps matters any, I could say something I wouldn't say. ( he's not sure what just yet, but he'll figure out something. )

Well, yes, I told you to be drunk but I didn't tell you to be drunk like this!

[ More like, he had wanted Xiao Xingchen to keep him company in his own drunkenness, since he wouldn't have appreciated the former daozhang being sober while he made a drunken fool of himself. Instead, it is Jiang Cheng who is frustratingly sober even after all he has drunk, not even the slightest blur to his thoughts, let alone any of that sweet oblivion he had looked forward to.

Clearly, if he isn't allowed to get drunk today, neither should anyone else get to enjoy this privilege.

So he scowls, still looking very offended at everything, most of all his own sobriety. ] What is there that you wouldn't say? [ he demands, intrigued despite his best efforts not to. ]

( oh. oh, 'drunk like this', he is making a fool of himself. jiang wanyin said that he'd warn him in such a case - is this that warning? or had something he'd said been warning before, and xingchen had missed it?

regardless, the realization is slightly sobering in its own right, and he straightens his posture a bit, scraping together all that remains of his discipline to successfully wipe the smile from his face with a slow exhale. there. he thinks it should be fine enough now. he perhaps doesn't feel not-drunk just yet, but he can do a much better job at acting the part.

which all lends quite well to the question which follows - ' what is there that you wouldn't say?' - because if jiang wanyin delivered such a word as 'nipple' with utter seriousness, he owes it to his offer to do precisely the same. ) I could tell you the name of the blue drink, if you'd like. It's fantastically impolite.

[ Jiang Cheng makes an indignant little noise and fakes a glower though his lips are already twitching. Fortunately, that is something Xiao Xingchen can't see. He takes another large gulp from his drink, emptying the glass, though he is somewhat annoyed now at the lack of effect it is having on him. ]

Fantastically impolite? [ He gives him an arch doubtful look. ] You're giving me high expectations, I hope you can keep up.

[ As if that isn't going to be easy, as easily as he is flustered - but there's no need to actually admit to that. ]

( the echo of 'fantastically impolite?' earns an affirmative hum and the tiniest nod, most diligent in this approximation of dignity now. and once jiang wanyin's words are through, it's with that very same poise that he offers (after a brief pause, perhaps for suspense), )

I believe he called it the 'Adios, Motherfucker'. ( and it's delivered with a distinct lack of shame, just as jiang wanyin's 'nipple' was. ) 'Adios' is, by my understanding, a term which means 'farewell'.

[ Jiang Cheng is... just going to need a moment here to process the fact that Xiao Xingchen, the famed daozhang, has just been vulgar. Even if only in the context of cocktail names. It still counts.

So there he sits, wide-eyed. ] You said motherfucker [ he echoes numbly because that's where he is now, as far as coherent thoughts go.

And he still isn't even the tiniest bit drunk. ]

( you see?? it's not so easy after all, to maintain decorum when someone has said so unexpected a thing. xingchen feels inexplicably vindicated in his nipple-related laughter as the stunned silence stretches on.

then, 'you said motherfucker.' it's spoken almost as if he's reached out and slapped him, and xingchen can't help it - his disciplined facade crumbles briefly into a grin again before lips press together and he regains composure. )

I did, ( he confirms. ) And what have you to say about it?

[ No, no, it really isn't easy to maintain decorum under such circumstances. It isn't easy when he is absolutely certain that Xiao Xingchen is only barely holding back from laughing at him, either.

He scowls, a very pouty scowl at that, and opens his mouth to argue some more but... What does he even have to say? ]

You're not supposed to use words like that [ he finally offers. ]

Wasn't that the point of the exercise? ( he truly is just barely holding back, a lilt of humor in his tone even as he distinctly fails to break composure. ) To say that which I shouldn't so that we might be even?

That's... That's not even...!

[ He isn't even drunk and yet here he is, sputtering and deeply flustered. The universe is truly an unfair place. ]

That was not the exercise [ he finally declares solemnly, attempting at some kind of haughty dignity to hopefully let Xiao Xingchen forget that he had started this. ] There is no exercise. You are drunk.

Am I? ( yes, yes he is, but he's doing so well (at least he thinks he is) at acting now as though he isn't. he isn't laughing, he's fixed his posture (what little it lapsed in the first place, which wasn't that much). he even releases his tiny hold on jiang cheng's sleeve now to fold his hands in his lap. ) I'm afraid you have no proof of that.

That...! I...! You...!

[ Oh, the outrage! His outrage could fuel... something. Maybe his own robot body. If only he could run on outrage alone, he would never run out of battery.

He shoots him a cranky look, not that Xiao Xingchen is likely to appreciate that. ] Oh yes? Well if you're sober, prove it!

( his chin lifts just slightly, the most subtle of challenges. ) And how should I do that? ( he might very well do it, if a suggestion is posed. )

[ Umm... That is a very good question and Jiang Cheng has no answer.

Time to bullshit. He makes an irritated noise and lifts his empty glass. ] Prove you are still coordinated by getting me another drink.

( that's all? xingchen is quite able to do that, for certain. he's uncrossing his legs now, swiveling to set them on the floor, and standing up - oh, this might be more difficult than expected. his balance isn't quite so compromised as his senses, his hearing and his sense of space and so very many of the other things which would guide him over to the bar.

there's a moment's pause, then he exhales a laugh-breath, head bowing slightly in concession. ) My friend, you've proven your point more quickly than I expected. ( and he shifts again with every intent to sit back down, but amidst the quiet chatter a peal of impish laughter rings out somewhere closer to the bar and xingchen freezes stone-still in place.

he has heard that laugh before. in joy, in cruelty, he has heard it in so many shades and something frigid grips his spine, congeals in his stomach, and he exhales as if he's been punched. on that breath comes a hollow and haunted - ) He's here. ( and as if the words spoke it into proper truth, the frigid grip of fear is quickly overcome by an all-too-familiar heat, a burn which courses through his veins and swells rapidly until it no longer quite fits inside his body - just as it has every night in the seconds before his change. he's lost his concept of time and place, his only thought being a formless dismay that the monstrous man whose laughter he just heard now gets to watch xingchen prove himself monstrous as well.

from jiang wanyin's perspective, this all happens quite quickly. xingchen standing, conceding, his freezing still - and now an abrupt choked sound of poorly-masked pain as he drops heavily to his knees in the space between the couch and the coffeetable, forehead dropping to press against the floor even as his ears stretch longer, grow paler with ivory fur. there's a bit of a wet sound, terribly ambiguous in origin (is it his teeth being pushed from his face and into his cupped hands? is it the claws forcing their bloodied way out of the tips of each finger? perhaps even the sound of his feet extending, thickening to one more segment of leg protruding out from under his robes?).

and then it's over, just the shudder of his shoulders with each breath remaining, and even before he's lifted his head from the floor comes - ) I'm dizzy, I can't - I have to leave, ( not an apology, but a quiet desperate plea - he has to go, has to get away from this place and from xue yang if he's truly here and from the scene he's just made, and he can't even properly visualize which direction the door is, like the whole world has been rearranged around him but someone keeps spinning him so he can't grasp at orientation. )

[ It is funny. Yes, it is funny to watch Xiao Xingchen be so hilariously drunk like he would have never expected to see a daozhang as dignified as Xiao Xingchen. He smirks and tries to stifle his little snickers when the man wavers and surrenders himself to his fate before he has even tried to make his way to the bar.

Only. Then it suddenly isn't funny at all anymore.

He can only gape in confused horror, doesn't even have time to demand an explanation for that He's here before somethingis happening with his friend. ] What...?! [ he yelps as Xiao Xingchen drops suddenly to the floor.

It only gets worse from there, as Jiang Cheng has to watch him change right there in from of him, in the middle of the bar. The other patrons are screaming, yet they are only background noise to Jiang Cheng while the terrible wet sound feels unbearably loud to him. There is suddenly so much blood, there are teeth dropping to the floor, there are sharp claws tearing through flesh and skin on his fingers...

As soon as he speaks, Jiang Cheng finds himself yanked out of his stupor and he drops to his knees never mind the blood, he grasps him by the shoulders and squeezes firm. ] I'll get you out. Don't worry. Just keep calm. Just breathe. Trust me, I will get you out of here. [ Yet his voice shakes, his eyes are wide. The teeth... the blood... He had seen the aftermath already and yet. Nothing could have prepared him.]

( the other patrons may be background noise to jiang wanyin, but xingchen hears them vividly (how could he not? they're screaming) even if he's too disoriented to process quite where they are. ) I'm sorry, tell them it's alright, tell them I'm sorry, ( he all but pleads now, muffled by his position on the floor, which he knows he should get up from if he wants them to stop screaming but he's not sure how. everything's spinning even down here, even the ground is spinning and none of the smells make sense and xue yang is here somewhere and xingchen can't even stand. he doesn't even have his sword - he has claws now, will it be enough? can he even find him with everything spinning? will it -

but then there's jiang wanyin, appearing before him from what feels like the ether and taking him by the shoulders,

and the spinning stops. not completely, the world itself still spins, but xingchen no longer feels like he spins along with it. he's grounded, enough so that he can recognize (at 'just breathe,') that his breaths are coming too quickly and not nearly deep enough, and he forces himself to draw a long slow breath despite how desperately it wants to hitch again into something manic. he pushes himself up onto one palm now, the other hand helplessly dumping the handful of teeth and blood into one of his pockets (it would be rude to leave them) before he steadies himself on that one too. ) I'm sorry, ( but this time it's a whisper, this time it's for jiang wanyin, because this isn't supposed to happen, not in the daytime. he shakes his head just slightly, but that just makes him dizzy again. ) I don't know why. ( why he's shifted, he means, not why he's sorry - hopefully jiang wanyin can put that together because he doesn't think to clarify. but the fur on the back of his neck still stands on end, still waits for some sort of attack or even a sneering remark, and so he repeats - ) I have to leave, we- we have to go. ( because if he's escaping this mess, jiang wanyin is coming with him (even outside of the fact that this very man is probably the only reason he'll be able to make his way out of here). )

[ I don't know why he says and that's just great because it makes two of them who doesn't know what is happening here and oh yes, has he mentioned that this is just great? At least some direction would be nice here because maybe if he knew why or how Xiao Xingchen has transformed in the middle of the day, then he could figure out how to undo it. No chance of that now.

He looks around nervously, noticing that they are now alone in this room but there is a bunch of loud and agitated people gathered by the bar - and with the cultivation world's love for mob mentality, the conclusions he draws from this aren't reassuring at all. ]

You're right. [ His voice is curt and he forces himself to his feet, hands under Xingchen's arm to haul him onto his feet alongside him. ] We have to get out of here. You have to walk. Don't make eye contact with anyone. Quickly now. [ There is so much blood and everything is horrifying and he can still hear that wet sound of tearing fleshbut there is no time for horror now. Later. Right now, they have to get out of here before fear turns to anger. ]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN>** I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

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pretend those last brackets said jiang wanyin, i'm a failure

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