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but his friend speaks again before xingchen can answer, these words quite a bit more grave (and faintly shaken) than the last. and so comes another hum, this one quiet and just slightly sympathetic, and a little nod as well. ) I can certainly understand that. ( xingchen, personally, disliked who he had been in the hours before he fed - the feeding was impossibly quick, in comparison.
after a moment, he scoots a foot or so down the bed and pats the space beside him. ) Would you like to sit? ( instead of hovering near the door. a beat passes, then his brow knits in realization. ) Or - ah, I suppose we meant to return to your own quarters, didn't we? Shall we do that, then? ( the dizziness, while still present, is something he's growing accustomed enough to that he could almost certainly navigate back to jiang-xiong's quarters without much trouble. )
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But he knows that, of course, and so after a momoment he mimics a sigh of defeat. ] I expect you will tell me not to worry. In which case, yes, we should return. You should eat and drink. I can get you whatever suits your needs... within reason. [ Not the one thing that would truly invigorate him, of course, but they know that. ]
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for now, he rises to his feet, focusing sharply through the perceived sway of the world around him in order to close the distance to where jiang wanyin waits with smooth (if overly-careful) steps. and with a slight nod, ) Let's go, then.
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He makes a point to walk slowly and covertly keep an eye on his friend just in case he will need to insist on offering support, which for now he is willing to refrain from and spare his dignity.
He walks tall and proud, a hand behind his back. And yet there is stolen - no, gifted - blood invigorating his robotic body now. It's not something he can simply ignore. ]
I owe you my thanks for what you have given me.
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it allows him a bit of focus to spare for jiang wanyin's gratitude, and for mulling over which words correctly convey that which he wishes to say in response, a quiet 'mm' acknowledging said gratitude in the interim so that it doesn't seem to go ignored. then, ) I wonder if it might be simpler not to hold debts between us. To owe or be owed. ( perhaps all that jiang wanyin 'owed' this time was his thanks, but this is all a bit deeper than that, touching on an undercurrent which has flowed throughout the entirety of their friendship so far, not unlike the very blood for which he's supposedly owed. and he has attempted to say this before - that he isn't owed, that he doesn't want to be. it has always been dismissed as undue selflessness, or something like it.
but now, within the near-ironic lack of clarity he feels at the moment, he has figured out precisely what it is that lies at the heart of it. ) I told you quite recently that the things which I do on your behalf are not borne from duty or debt. I also told you just last night that in this endeavor, as is most often the case, I seek only your happiness. I understand that you don't quite believe it. Perhaps you don't understand it, or you think me too naive to lend the notion any credence - but I would very much like for a day to come in which you recognize those things as true. A day in which you understand that nothing I do on your behalf is tethered by any sort of debt.
( which is... quite a bit for jiang wanyin to wrap his mind around, he knows. fortunately, xingchen gives him the opportunity not to do so - there's a second piece to this, one much more relevant to the present moment and perhaps more easily stomached. ) Just the same, it would please me greatly to know that if you choose to do something on my behalf, it's of your own volition - not because you feel that I'm owed. Debt is a burden, and all such a thing does is show me how exactly I've burdened you.
( while all of it ended up a bit more honest (particularly at the end) than he may have intended, xingchen feels strangely light in the aftermath. perhaps a little too light, and he narrowly resists the urge to lift a steadying hand to find the nearby wall. by his estimate, they should be arriving at jiang-xiong's quarters about now, regardless. )
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No, he truly doesn't understand, though he isn't going to insult Xiao Xingchen by thinking of him as naive. Thinking of it as debts seems to be the easiest way to think of it, or at least the most predictable one - even though debts come with their own discomfort.
Jiang Cheng stands there, proud and somewhat stiff though Xingchen won't even be able to see his perfect posture. ]
I don't know what else I should think of it, but I'm not going to force you to think of it as a debt... or a duty. Not that you owe me any duty at all. I... [ He trails off again, quietly frustrated with his own inability to think of anything but the proper courtesies. All of these seem terribly inappropriate. ] I will just give you my gratitude then, without speaking of debts. If that is acceptable to you.