daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

You're right.

Today has been trying. I don't mean to be difficult or to second-guess your judgment. I should probably rest.

Thank you for checking in today. I'll be in touch tomorrow with further news on the meteors.

[ It's when their travels take them back into the direction of Bavan that Jiang Cheng separates himself from his travel companions for a day, braving the city they had actually been planning to avoid until things calmed down.

It would have been nice enough to avoid the latest disaster striking Bavan just once but with Xiao Xingchen still in the city and determined to stay there and help, it's where he needs to go to check on him.

And check on him Jiang Cheng feels he must, even if the last thing he wants right now is face anyone who knows him in person. Not with his voice as it is...

He seeks out the address that had been given to him and knocks without calling out, feeling like his heart is racing with anxiety though he strongly suspects he doesn't even have a heart anymore - at least no heartbeat anymore, and why should he, when it is no longer blood that flows when he cuts himself. And now, as he speaks, it isn't his own natural voice that comes out of his mouth. His speakers' imitation of his voice sounds reminiscent of a gramophone recording, not that Jiang Cheng would be able to pinpoint it as such. He just knows that it fills him with horror every time he makes a noise, so he tries to avoid it. ]

( by now, xingchen has gotten well-enough acquainted with the low-end hotel in which he has been staying that he's able to move about the room much like he might have were he still able to call on his qi. the city outside, well, that's... still a work-in-progress, for certain. and there has only really been so much xingchen could do, once the meteors stopped and everyone just started falling asleep.

fortunately (or, perhaps, predictably), jiang wanyin had distinctly failed to be one of them. though they've been in very little contact over the last couple of days, it has largely been due to their prevailing fatigue (xingchen's, especially - it's far too easy for fatigue to disorient him, without his qi) making topics beyond brief check-ins difficult to come by and these laptops feel that much more foreign and ambiguous to continue to function.

but that preternatural pull into the depths of unconsciousness has finally released its hold on them, and after what was probably not nearly enough sleep for either one of them, he's been told to expect jiang wanyin at his door.

and sure enough, there's the knock. no words, but who else would come calling? no one but perhaps the proprietor, and this knock was a bit too authoritative for that. and so xingchen opens the door with a welcoming smile. )

Jiang-zongzhu, ( he greets, stepping back to allow the man to come inside.

what with it being a rented suite (and one rented by xiao xingchen, no less), very few signs of life can be found throughout the small living area and the adjacent sleeping area - most of which sit on the single table, including a bottle of bleach (relatedly, note the lack of blood staining his robes), a bag containing some tea blends, and a bakery container. in fact, he's stepping over to said bakery container as soon as the door is closed, fingertips finding it easily and lifting the lid open to reveal three pastries of various sorts lingering inside. ) I've come to learn that not all of us are still able to eat such foods, but if you are, I've picked up an extra for you.

Edited 2020-08-19 00:24 (UTC)

[ Jing Cheng stills, hovering on the threshold for a long moment in uncertainty. He will have to thank him now, will have to greet him... He tenses. Coming here had been a mistake. If he were any less of a coward, or if he could even make an excuse without having to speak up, chances are he would.

Instead, he forces himself to walk inside, as reluctant as a man walking to his own execution or at the very least into an all-day one-on-one meeting with Sect Leader Yao.

He stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, too caught up in his own dilemma to even pay much attention to his surroundings.

But there is no avoiding it. Not for long. ]

Thank you, Daozhang [ he says, trying to keep his voice quiet, hoping that will disguise the change. It doesn't, of course. The gramophone-like imitation of his voice issued by the speakers that have replaced his voice box sounds can't be disguised, no matter how quietly speaks.]

( for as much as this was jiang wanyin's idea to visit at all, he seems terribly reticent about it. xingchen doesn't quite know him well enough to hazard a guess at why - are xingchen's living conditions not up to standard? has he touched a sensitive spot regarding jiang-zongzhu's ability to eat proper foods?

(xingchen hopes it's reticence rooted in grudging obligation. he briefly considers whether he has said or done anything to make jiang wanyin feel like he had to pay a visit - anything implying helplessness, perhaps, or he supposes even loneliness - but nothing comes to mind.)

but finally the man speaks - 'thank you, daozhang' - and, oh. xingchen stills for a moment, then he 'looks' to jiang wanyin, brow knitting faintly under the upper edge of his bandaging as if the man has said something much more concerning than 'thank you'. )

Of course, ( he says after a moment. he's unable to shake the note of sympathy from his tone, but alongside it is something more decisive - the distinct recognition that it isn't something to be addressed aloud, now or perhaps ever.

his hand leaves the container of pastries, and instead he crosses the small distance into the living area where xingchen sinks down on the floor to one side of the coffee-table, his back to the front of an armchair. (forgive him his force of habits, raised seating still hasn't quite grown on him.)

there's a clear assumption that jiang wanyin will follow in some shape or form, perhaps find somewhere to settle now that they're clearly Not Discussing It. ) I've been meaning to ask, ( he says, ) If it would be too forward to ask you to call me Xingchen. Or Xiao Xingchen, if you insist on the formality.

Xiao Xingchen then. [ They may be of the same generation, and so familiar addresses would be acceptable, but it still feels like more familiarity too soon than Jiang Cheng is strictly comfortable with. Keeping people at an arm's length isn't as easy here as it was at home but he can still try his best, if driven by nothing but sheer stubbornness.

He is terribly interested as to the why - and yet he hasn't missed how Xiao Xingchen has just completely skipped any comment about his changed voice, though he must be burning with questions. How rude it would be to thank him by peppering him with questions. ]

Have you been well? [ he asks, instead, still keeping his voice quiet. A more roundabout way to ask why, maybe. ]

( the formality is unnecessary but certainly understandable, and still very much preferable to 'daozhang' at current.

as for the question, ) Well enough, ( he says, but this man (while perhaps not yet a friend, he supposes) is not a stranger, and so xingchen confesses, ) Weary, as one might expect, but it seems that I've gotten off quite easy compared to both those who slept and those who fell at ill odds with the meteor hail.

( for what it's worth, there's no rule claiming that xingchen can only be questioned if he has been so bold as to do so first. if anything, it should be the other way around. jiang wanyin is far more closed-off than he, and while xingchen is loath to burden another with his personal struggles, a simple explanation of his choice would hardly accomplish such a thing.

meanwhile, jiang-zongzhu has neither claimed a pastry nor moved to join him. xingchen had almost forgotten what difficulties the gentry have with informalities, nonverbal cues, anything but direct invitation at times such as these, so he finally offers a, ) Would you like to sit? Surely you're tired from your journey. ( and from what little sleep he must have gotten these last handful of days. )

[ Thing is that he is actually not exhausted at all from walking so much, not even the sleep deprivation is getting to him as it should, and that is far more disturbing than being dead on his feet would be. But he doesn't want to get into that, or even think about it, so he nods... Then catches himself, and says aloud ] Thank you, Xiao-xiong. [ Then winces a little at that informality, not calling him Daozhang feels so incredibly rude. Oh well.

He takes a seat and sits there awkwardly smoothing wrinkles from his robes. ] I'm well. You have worked far harder than I did helping out here in Bavan. I was only exploring.

( xiao-xiong. once upon a time, he and zichen both gave this very man's former sect-brother a sharp sort of sideways glance for that very phrase - but xingchen was young and terribly proud, blissfully ignorant to how difficult such a thing as one who calls him 'friend' might be to come by later in life. it arrives now with a feeling not unlike the times he has found himself caught in the rain, only to have a kind market-goer appear by his side with an umbrella held overhead.

that said, he's certainly not unaware of the discomfort such a thing must cause jiang wanyin (the term sounded very much like something he was trying on for fit, not at all settled into), and so he tempers the smile it earns so as not to obligate the man to use it again.

the man finally moves to take a seat, and the smile (nearly faded by now) renews to something closer to a tired grin at the words that follow. ) You flatter me, ( he says, a note of humor in his tone, ) If I did more than hover and fret, that's news to me... Though I was especially diligent at both. ( he has enough distance from the crisis - distance and fatigue as well - that the edges of it have softened to something less urgent, more able to make mild self-depreciative jokes over.

which reminds him, ) Were I to replenish my stock of medicinal herbs, should I do so at Hyacinth House or is there somewhere else you might recommend?

If you had Hyacinth House recommended to you, then you should follow that advice. I only spent a couple of days in Bavan when I first arrived and have since never been back for longer than absolutely necessary. I barely know anything here beyond the inn I stayed at and the clinic.

[ This city, Bavan, had been a nightmare experience to Jiang Cheng, and now it is too deeply intertwined with his horror of first learning of his kidnapping and his impending transformation. It is a place he can barely stand to reside in when he must. But now it does leave him very aware how little he actually knows about the place. ]

I'm sure you did far more than hover and fret. But if you want to do more still, you could see if they need volunteers at the clinic some monsters are running. They might even have paid work, I'm not sure. I have only been there once or twice with other patients.

( it's such an odd discrepancy in perspective, the fact that jiang wanyin has precious little experience with bavan compared to the rest of this world and yet bavan is the only sliver of this world that xingchen has yet experienced. and here xingchen is used to being the well-traveled one. funny how such things have shifted. )

I might just do that, thank you, ( he says, to the advice about the clinic - which is approximately when it occurs to him that his hospitality has been a bit lax, and he offers, ) Would you like some tea? I could put on a pot. ( is jiang wanyin still able to drink tea? what a thing to have to wonder. )

[ Jiang Cheng has been wary of water ever since making some worrisome experiences with it while bathing but so far, at least, food and drinks haven't harmed him.

Thus, he hesitates more because he is still uncertain he truly wants to be drawn into a pleasant conversation before saying, ] Only if it is no trouble to you.

[ There, that's pleasant enough, now he can go back to glaring at his own hands. His own change and Xiao Xingchen's upcoming one feels like it stands between them right now, he finds himself incapable of thinking of a single pleasant thing to say when all he can think about is the voice with which he would have to say it. So yes, there he sits in more awkward silence.

This visit is sure going well. ]

( the hesitation is noted, an uncomfortable sort of stillness to jiang wanyin's posture - as though all of this is something he's putting himself through despite having decided to check in on xingchen in the first place. )

It isn't, ( he assures, and this is normally where he would stand to go put on a pot of tea, but he doesn't. instead he pauses for a moment, and - ) If you would rather not linger here, I understand. You meant to check in on me, and you see now that I'm alive and well. ( jiang wanyin is a welcome guest, but xingchen would rather he not stay out of any sense of obligation. )

No. [ It's curt and maybe not the best way to go about convincing Xiao Xingchen that he does want to be here but at least he can't see the frustrated scowl on his face. ] I didn't come all the way to Bavan just to leave right away. A message would have sufficed.

[ Only that actually isn't quite right since he had been worried he wouldn’t tell him the truth. He would have come to check on him anyway. They may not have known another well at home but here this daozhang who refuses to be called one is the only tie to the life Jiang Cheng should be living.

He huffs. ] Let's just have tea. I... am not the best company lately.

( it's true, a message would have sufficed. xingchen honestly just doesn't know jiang wanyin well enough yet to confidently guess at why he does what he does. in this case, he doesn't know him well enough to know quite how responsible the man feels for the first other person who comes from his world, and he doesn't know how far out of the way that sense of responsibility might drag him.

but the offered out is declined, and at the very least xingchen has to take his ally's words at face value. he smiles, perhaps a bit too warmly for the semi-formal distance jiang wanyin would prefer to maintain. ) You're fine company, ( he says, moving to stand now as he tacks on a dry, ) Certainly better than I left behind. ( and he's stepping smoothly around the table, heading for the so-called kitchen area to set about putting water on to boil. (he's careful to grab one billowing sleeve as the other hand reaches to toggle the stove knob - a lesson he nearly learned the hard way in recent days.)

as he steps back from the stove again, his voice raises just enough to be sure that he's heard across the distance. ) If what I say makes any difference, know that you don't need to worry about the quality of your company. So long as you'd like company at all, you'll have it. ( it's perhaps as casual as such words could be, 'gaze' still on the pot on the stove so as to take a bit of the pressure off in that sense as well. )

[ Jiang Cheng watches him work at the stove, taking in how well he has learned to handle himself already. Maybe it's nothing special to him, being used to being blind, but to Jiang Cheng who has struggled to adjust to this new world even with seeing eyes, it's pretty impressive how Xiao Xingchen is mastering it while unable to even see this new world he has found himself in. ]

Thank you, you're very kind [ is all he has to say in response to the reassurance about the quality of his company, though he is still thinking about what he had said about the company he had left behind. Xue Yang, or speaking of the cultivation world in general? Well, it probably doesn't matter, it's not like Jiang Cheng can ask too many questions about either. ]

Is there truly nothing you need? [ He pauses, considering how this might come across as patronizing in light of his blindness and self-sufficiency and adds, ] You may be a rogue cultivator, but you are still a respected cultivator of our world. It is my duty as leader of a great sect. [ Not quite sure what is his duty as leader of a great sect here, though, so he's leaving that one for Xiao Xingchen to fill in the blanks. ]

( he had indeed been speaking of xue yang, and in retrospect feels a bit bad that his statement indirectly cast aspersions on a-qing as well. she was wonderful company, and honestly, so too had xue yang been for years. it's difficult, in his head, to see the person he fought with at the end as the person he lived alongside all that time. as if xue yang arrived all of a sudden and killed his nameless companion just like he did with baixue temple.

it's complicated. xingchen has discovered by now that no amount of trying to set it to order in his head ever actually manages to do so, so he has fallen back into trying not to dwell on it.

the question doesn't come across as patronizing so much as perhaps unnecessarily worried, which he takes no particular offense to. ) I appreciate your concern, but I'm managing well enough. All that remains is to learn more about this place - I thought I might venture about like you have, once my change begins and I know if I'm fit for travel. ( that's another thing he has achieved, the ability to discuss such things relatively casually rather than with the dawning dread that first beset him when he learned of his inevitable fate. )

[ Honestly, Jiang Cheng has to admire the ease with which Xiao Xingchen is able to speak of his changes, when he had spent his first month in frantic denial ~~and obsessive care for his baby lizard~~. He, on the other hand, faces the reality that is ahead of him with what seems to be unflinching acceptance, even accomodating it already in his plans. Maybe the change would be kinder to someone not hiding from it. ]

I was very sick during my first fog but from what I hear, that is unusual. I think you will enjoy traveling. There is so much to see and explore, there are so many ruins and the cultures of the locals are very different from our own. You should visit Rota, the people there are friendly towards monsters as long as they are friendly in turn. [ He goes quiet for a moment, head bowed. ] And when you are out there, traveling, it feels almost like just another night hunt.

( in truth, the ease is likely quite short-lived - but right now he finds himself in a unique situation, in which he has an unprecedented number of dire things to fixate on but an even greater-than-normal need to regain his mental-emotional balance and stability. and since he spends the vast majority of his hours in this new world by himself, he has had time to systematically examine each of those things, to consider whether thinking about them is helpful (conducive to problem-solving, for example) or just serves to destabilize him further.

most often, it's the latter. his death and its impermanence is the latter. xue yang is the latter. what xingchen has done is also the latter, but he refuses to let himself hide from what he has done under the guise of practicality, so that one remains. but hiding from the inevitability of his shift into some unknown beast? it seems to him like attempting to cross a river by half-broken boat rather than simply learning to swim. it might be fine for now, but one day it would capsize and xingchen would drown - and as both a diligent man and one who has already drowned once in such a way, he refuses to put himself at risk of such a thing again.

the description of the land around them is, perhaps, one of the most positive things he has heard jiang wanyin say of this place, and it brings a quiet smile back to xingchen's lips. ) That sounds wonderfully refreshing, after spending time in a city such as this.

It is. [ His voice has softened, as has his face, and even Jiang Cheng’s taut body language has relaxed somewhat. He leans against the counter right next to the stove, arms crossed over his chest while he watches Xiao Xingchen prepare the tea. ]

We've been learning a lot about the land and the people. There is also a lot I have recently learned from my contacts, who stand against the Fog God. We will have to talk about that. [ Things like the fact the Day and Night God the locals worship seem to have been as tangible a presence once as the Fog God is now, and might still be around even if just a lingering presence clinging to the mortal world. That they will be human again if they leave this place, though that's something he doesn't believe or trust yet. But right now... ]

The hunger is easier to control when I'm not around so many people.

( the softening of jiang wanyin's voice is a hard-won feat, and it pleases xingchen more than his expression lets on. instead, he appears for all intents and purposes to turn back to the tea as if checking on it, a reflex held over from when he could see such a thing.

in turn, he hears jiang wanyin stand, hears him cross the distance into the kitchen area and (by the sounds of it) lean against the counter just next to the stove. xingchen's weight shifts subtly onto his other foot, but it's less a distancing movement than a thoughtless and inexplicably domestic sort of welcome - as if he's making room for the man's arrival. he only belatedly notices he's done it, silly and senseless as it was, and he's glad for an actual substantial topic of conversation at hand to turn his attention to. )

Have you thought about keeping a record of what you've learned? ( no, that doesn't answer any part of what was said directly, but he'll get back to that. ) Ink and paper - the gods can't read that, can they?

I did think about it, vaguely. [ In that way of thinking how useful it would be, but he had never really thought about going ahead with it or even the logistics of it. ] It would be useful to have written records. While messages on the network can be looked up again, that's hardly practical after a while. And I know I'm starting to mix up what I was told. [ He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] There is just so much which makes no sense at the time you are told of it and is hard to keep straight who told you what, and how trustworthy the source is.

[ As a sect leader, parsing information has always been part of his job but it's different here, where he lacks even the most basic context for what he is told, and all he gets are incomprehensible scraps of information dropped in passing. Often at times of high emotion, too. ]

By all I know it's correct that the gods only have access to our computers, though I would have to ask Majima Goro or Tsukikage to make sure. Ink and paper would certainly be safer, at least.

Edited 2020-08-23 13:43 (UTC)

( oh, xingchen can certainly relate to receiving senseless information and only later receiving the context that would have parsed it properly. he himself has only understood about half of what he's learned, in part because much of it came at a particularly troubling moment in his life (or potentially afterlife, as he thought at the time), and he absolutely could have benefited from writing it down and coming back to it later. )

I'd thought I might take up such record-keeping myself, if only to keep the details clear in my mind. If you'd like, I could certainly record what you've learned as well. It would be an effective way to keep me apprised, if it's not too presumptuous to assume you'd prefer that I be.

Of course I want to keep you informed. [ Curt, again, but firm. Xiao Xingchen is the first one from his world to join him here, the first cultivator, and even if he didn't genuinely like the man he would still consider him a natural ally. That he does like him promises the cooperation might even be pleasant. All the better. That it is a fellow cultivator keeping records will make it easier, too, they can communicate in a common language, no confusion about terms or backgrounds. ]

I would appreciate it if you could keep records for us. Available to others who are on our side, too, and maybe they too would contribute. Most of what I have learned I have only learned by chance, when I asked about an off-hand mention. The ones who have been here for long don't consider that we don't know as much as they do.

( as the earliest sounds of boiling begin to rumble within the kettle, jiang wanyin explains what he'd like such a record to accomplish, earning a considering brow-knit from xingchen. )

Is there a simple means by which to copy such records and make them available to the others, or would it be done by hand? ( he's not entirely sure quite how many allies they have, but the latter sounds like quite an undertaking.

meanwhile the kettle begins to whistle, and he once again grabs his sleeve to reach out over the stove and turn off the burner, swapping the kettle to a cool one before collecting a couple of the hand-bagged teas most similar to that which was served in their homeland and depositing them in the kettle. )

ic inbox, ryslig.

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