ic inbox, ryslig.

[daozhangs]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN> I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

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backdated to early February

[legbreakings]

[ In the aftermath of speaking with the Fourth God, Jiang Cheng had needed some time to think until he felt ready to truly talk about his hopes and fears - he had needed time to sort his thoughts out for himself at least in so far as that he even had the words to put them in. Thus, he had after his return basically only told Xingchen that it had went well and he had returned unharmed, but asked for time until he was ready to speak of what this might mean for his - or even their, though this remained unsaid - future.

It's late one evening while he is still reading in his study that he finally loses patience with his own circular thoughts. ]

It's funny, when I arrived I took such pride in choosing to follow neither local god.

[daozhangs]

( it's rare for jiang wanyin to be the one who reaches out at such an hour - the lack of werebeast restlessness combined with thirty years of stubborn self-sufficiency, one can only assume. and he certainly leaps straight to the point, as well - a fact which both inspires and sweeps away the amused 'good evening to you, as well' that he nearly offers in return. instead, a simple: )

You did.

( an acknowledgment, and jiang wanyin knows him quite well enough by now to recognize the prompting in it as well - a 'go on' or 'i'm listening' in different words, one which leaves the floor open for whatever his companion wishes to share of what lingers on his mind. )

[legbreakings]

[ He has never been much for pleasantries anyway, and if he wastes time on them now he might talk himself out of confronting this topic yet again, and go back to mulling until he has found satisfying answers by himself (which, as it currently stands, feels like it will be never) ]

It feels like defeat to change my mind on this. I have always berated others for giving in to this place and how it tries to wear us down.

[daozhangs]

You have.

( but this time, it isn't an invitation so much as acknowledgment, some small response to show that the matter is on his mind while xingchen considers it. then: )

I can't help but think back to my arrival here. You took pride in such things even then, though you arrived hardly a month before I.

You came as a stone cast roughly into the river, but even before the silt settled and the water cleared, you decided what it was that you believed of this place and those who hold power with it.

One might wonder if 'defeat' could instead be the choice to continue defining this realm as it was seen by muddied silhouette.

( another pause, and then: )

From man to beast to grass and trees, all things are soft in life but hard and brittle in death. Inflexibility and death are inextricably intertwined. An army that cannot yield will be defeated. A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind. The hard and stiff will be broken; the soft and supple will prevail.

The words of a daozhang carry little weight on my tongue anymore, but perhaps they might still be of assistance.

[legbreakings]

[ It is a long and thoughtful response - and coming from Xiao Xingchen, whose opinions he treasures, it is not one to be easily dismissed as he would from anyone else.

He mulls over his words and then his own response for a while, dictates some false starts which he erases before finally settling on what he wants to say, though it can't compare to Xingchen's poetic advice. ]

I chose quickly who friend and foe is. I don't know if I chose while my sight was blurred. I still stand by what I always thought of the Fog God. But the Fourth...

I have tired of fighting this war with so few allies. It is exhausting, and there is no progress. The Fourth and his followers have achieved a lot in the last year.

Maybe it wouldn't be so terribly to bend on this. Maybe it wouldn't mean fully bending myself out of shape.

I just wonder if I truly believe he can be a chance for us, or if I'm merely yearning for a sect.

[daozhangs]

If I've given you the impression that I think you incorrect about all facets of this realm, that wasn't my intention. Regarding the Fog God, you already know that my sentiments largely match your own.

You have done well in aligning with neither god before the point at which you're able to make an informed decision. I simply thought to suggest that perhaps it might be to your benefit to let that same gathered insight guide you in re-evaluating your assessment of acceptable and unacceptable compromise.

( once again, a second message comes after a pause. )

You have never been one to allow anything so sentimental as yearning to sway your decisions.

Before you disagree, ask yourself what it is that you would do if offered the chance to return to your home tomorrow.

[legbreakings]

[ A good question, with an easy though painful answer. ]

I would refuse with a heavy heart, for no matter how much I want to see my home and nephew again, I have a duty to the people of Ryslig to see this night hunt through to the end.

Once my duty to this world is done, I must return to serve my sect.

[ And nowhere had his personal happiness factored in, or the life he shares with his new husband. ]

I see what you are telling me.

Thank you. You see far more clearly than I do.

Compromise then.

[daozhangs]

Have you a plan in mind?

( xingchen has the sneaking suspicion that he does - that he simply needed to give himself permission to go through with it. )

[legbreakings]

[ That answer takes longer. Saying it out loud and seeing it in the screen makes it real. ]

I want to pledge my allegiance to the Fourth God, and serve him in this war.

[daozhangs]

I think that's an insightful and well-considered step on a far more sustainable path than the one which we've traveled thus far.

( because telling jiang wanyin that he's proud of him would almost certainly be too much of an indignity for the man to bear. )

[legbreakings]

I'm relieved you don't think me weak or abandoning my principles.

We have tried to walk this path alone together. But I will still walk it with you now, regardless of what you choose.

[daozhangs]

Because I, of course, have so very much room to throw stones on the matter of abandoning principles.

( is it too soon to lighten the mood somewhat? who knows. )

As for the latter point, I had no doubt that you would.

[legbreakings]

Don't get cheeky with me, Daozhang.

[ But oh, now he has him smiling. Curse this man! ]

[daozhangs]

But you're so very easy to get cheeky with. Can I truly be blamed?

[legbreakings]

Watch me blame you, I have never had difficulties blaming people!

[daozhangs]

You're right, I'm not sure what I was thinking.

[legbreakings]

Much better. Keep trying.