daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

The problem [ Jiang Cheng grinds out between gritted teeth, sitting up straight and bristling in indignation ] is that he exists.

[ He takes a deep gulp from his glass and then just keeps drinking until he has it drained, and turns a spiteful glare on it for the crime of daring to be empty. There he goes, slamming it down on the table before he returns his attention to Xiao Xingchen. ]

He's different, too. He's from the past and he's... [ He scowls, trailing off, frowning. This part is harder to put a finger on, harder to describe without sounding like Jiang Cheng has lost his mind. ] He is different. He is not the man I remember. Like a painting that is drawn by memory and is slightly off. His looks, his mannerism, his speech... It is all familiar but just a little bit wrong.

( the slam of the glass has his brows and lip twitching in the faintest wince - sharper hearing has its drawbacks, for certain. but it's not enough to disrupt his smile entirely, even as that very smile fades a bit in thought. )

Perhaps he isn't your Wei Wuxian, then. ( the answer, as irrational as it is, comes much more easily now than it would if he were sober and dedicated to proper consideration of the issue. ) That's... silly, I know that - but you say that he's incorrect and I trust your judgment on that. Can the Fog God do a thing like that? Skew a person in such a way?

( another drink of his drink, and oh, look at that - it seems nearly emptied as well. ) Tell me your thoughts and then I'll get us another.

[ That... is disturbing. Disturbing enough that he doesn't care anymore for his empty drink or that he still can't feel even a hint of a pleasant buzz.

He stills, turns grim and solemn, gaze turned inward as he thinks back to that exhilarating reunion with the different Wei Wuxian. It had been painful and upsetting but... There had still been so much of him that had been happy to see him. The breath he sucks in is shaky. ] I know he is different. I... I thought it was a game of the Fog God. To bring someone who is similar but not the same. [ Then, quieter ] someone who remembers only the bad, not the good. I... I did not consider that she did something with him. Some copy, maybe. An imperfect copy. Like the bug copies below Kulen.

( mm, you see, he hadn't quite realized such a suggestion would be so difficult for jiang wanyin to stomach. he's usually a bit more attuned to these things, at least with this particular man, and he quite honestly feels a bit bad that he didn't think more carefully before he spoke - a pensiveness he hides behind one last drink of his drink, only to elegantly choke on it at 'the bug copies below kulen'. )

The what? ( oh, but he's grinning now, utterly delighted by whatever it is that he's just heard. he knows this is serious, truly he does, but you can't just say something like that. )

[ Oh, it had been kind of funny when Majima Goro first told him about the giant bug who had taken over his life and left him with ten different subscriptions for mail-order ham.

Now... it is far less so and he just makes a concerned little noise, which comes out as low static crackle. ]

The colony of giant bugs beneath Lake Minska! Who sometimes replace people with bug imposters! [ His voice is driven by more urgency now as he really gets himself fired up on his new hypothesis. ] Their imposters are convincing but just somewhat off.

[ Just like Wei Wuxian, suspected bug. ]

( oh, but his glass covers his lips again now if only to properly hide his grin behind it as he tries desperately not to laugh and fails entirely in his attempt. )

Forgive me, Jiang-xiong, forgive me - I know this is serious, it's just not quite working at the moment. The serious. ( oh, but he said he'd fetch more spirits, what a good excuse. ) Here, I'll fetch you another and then I'll come back and we can discuss this with appropriate gravity, we'll be fine, ( xingchen's saying as he uncrosses his legs and rises smoothly to his feet (though his decorum is quite apparently impaired, his balance has not yet been significantly touched). then he leans to snatch jiang wanyin's drink from the table where it was so eloquently slammed, and he makes his way back up to the bar.

this time his stay at the bar is a bit shorter but also a bit more jovial, xingchen's tone is amused even if the words can't quite be caught from where they sit, and then he's returning with another pair of drinks. the one he sets in front of jiang wanyin is certainly a color. )

It's called a June Bug, I thought it was rather fitting. ( but as he sits on the couch again, he sets the other less offensive beverage beside it. ) And since I doubt you'll touch the June Bug, I've also brought you this - it's an Angry Badger. You see? Never pretend I don't know you well.

Edited 2020-10-13 11:34 (UTC)

[ Now he is getting laughed at! The indignity!

Jiang Cheng stews in silent sulking while Xiao Xingchen gets them another round of drinks and when he returns with the toxic-green atrocity he called a June Bug of al things, it does absolutely nothing to make him feel any less sulky. ]

Of course I'm not going to drink that! It looks like poison! Like green poison.[ He wrinkles his nose and pushes the June Bug towards Xingchen. Then he grabs the other drink, which looks actually vaguely like something meant to be drunk by human beings. ]

June Bug, Angry Badger, why do they give all these drinks stupid names?

Edited 2020-10-13 13:29 (UTC)

( perhaps jiang wanyin would do well to laugh as well, that way he's being laughed with instead of at. xingchen would much prefer that, for a host of reasons including but not limited to 'jiang wanyin is laughing'.

meanwhile, he can't quite decide if jiang-xiong has realized he's teased him about being an angry badger or thinks he's just teased about being particular with his drinks, but it's not worth clarifying. he'll simply take his glass of poison in hand, sink down on the couch (mostly facing jiang wanyin this time) and pull his feet unrepentantly up to sit crosslegged again. ) One can only assume they've run out of dignified ones. At least these are nicer than what they've seen fit to call the blue one.

( he takes a sip of his drink - not quite as strong this time, and a creamier sort of fruity? he thinks creamier is the word. or perhaps thicker, but not in texture.

oh, but there was an important conversation to be had. he lowers the drink back to rest in his lap at the joint of his crossed legs, his smile broadening just slightly as he says, ) Now, you have my undivided attention. Tell me what else is wrong with this Kūnchóng Laozu.

Edited 2020-10-16 10:43 (UTC)

Drinks shouldn't be that shade of blue, no matter how dignified the name is.

[ No, no, Jiang Cheng doesn't realize that he is being teased with being the Angry Badger here, and it's probably for the better he remains clueless as that would just lead to more sulking.

He's already working himself into something of a huff as he thinks about his little family problem, even if other Wei Wuxian's new title has him snickering appreciatively into his drink.

He takes another long sip while he thinks about that - there's always a whole lot to complain about when it comes to Wei Wuxian, where should he even start? ]

As for Wei Wuxian, he is... He is... [ Another sip, then it bursts out in something very close to a petulant whine ] He is shameless! He runs around half-naked and sees nothing wrong with it![ Oh, now he's getting himself properly worked up, his voice getting louder and definitely whinier - and starting to attract the attention of the other patrons. ] He's flashing his nipples!

( all of this complaining about the shade of blue really just fills xingchen with curiosity regarding precisely what shade of blue the drink actually was.

but more importantly, the problematic matter of wei wuxian - which, to xingchen's credit, he listens to quite actively as jiang wanyin goes off about wei wuxian's apparent shamelessness and undress. the utterly scandalized way in which his friend rages against the concept does finally get to him and his smile threatens to break forth again, so he (foolishly, having learned nothing regarding attempting to drink when jiang-xiong is talking,) hides it against the rim of his drink in another sip -

which is precisely when jiang wanyin says 'nipples'.

this choke is quite a bit less elegant, erupting into laughter that he can't quite suppress even as he hides the lower half of his face behind a sleeve-wrapped hand. oh, oh no, this isn't good, he shouldn't be laughing at poor jiang-xiong's plight, and he tries to rein it in as best he can, every ounce of his discipline scraping together a proper response.

what comes out is, ) I wasn't aware that insects had nipples. ( but now he's said it too - has he ever heard 'nipples' in his own voice before?

oh, but he can't keep talking or laughing about nipples, this was a serious matter, what if he's offending jiang-xiong right at this very moment? a hand reaches out without thought to take hold of the slightest bit of the other man's sleeve, and he's managed to swallow down his abject laughter even though his grin is beyond help as he says - ) I truly am trying, my friend - please don't be upset. Everything is so terribly funny at the moment. Is it always like this?

You...! You...! You...!

[ He is reduced to indignant sputtering and glowering and there is just enough humanity left in him that he can go through all the motions of his voice failing him, even if he doesn't actually have a human voice anymore. He does have enough humanity left to be the very picture of indignation, for sure. ]

It's not like he looks like a bug! [ he finally manages to defend himself, realizing only a moment later that this is really the least important line of defense. More importantly, ] Why are you laughing at me?!

[ Well, because it's funny to him, obviously, but... But! He puts his glass down and glowers at him indignantly. ] You are drunk! [ he declares, as if this is some grave and personal betrayal. ]

( oh no, he is upset. perhaps, with a bit more sobriety, that would have been xingchen's cue to release jiang wanyin's sleeve, but instead he gives it a little tug-tug (still gentle, never hard) as he objects right back with, ) You told me to be. You can't be upset with me for being the thing you've told me to be. I've tried very hard not to laugh, you have my word. ( he really, really has. truly. )

It's just, I've never quite anticipated hearing the fearsome Jiang-zongzhu say 'nipple'. ( a half-formed word begins a request for him to say it again, but that (mercifully) does register as a bad idea. instead, he presses his lips together a moment in thought, then tilts his head a little. ) If it helps matters any, I could say something I wouldn't say. ( he's not sure what just yet, but he'll figure out something. )

Well, yes, I told you to be drunk but I didn't tell you to be drunk like this!

[ More like, he had wanted Xiao Xingchen to keep him company in his own drunkenness, since he wouldn't have appreciated the former daozhang being sober while he made a drunken fool of himself. Instead, it is Jiang Cheng who is frustratingly sober even after all he has drunk, not even the slightest blur to his thoughts, let alone any of that sweet oblivion he had looked forward to.

Clearly, if he isn't allowed to get drunk today, neither should anyone else get to enjoy this privilege.

So he scowls, still looking very offended at everything, most of all his own sobriety. ] What is there that you wouldn't say? [ he demands, intrigued despite his best efforts not to. ]

( oh. oh, 'drunk like this', he is making a fool of himself. jiang wanyin said that he'd warn him in such a case - is this that warning? or had something he'd said been warning before, and xingchen had missed it?

regardless, the realization is slightly sobering in its own right, and he straightens his posture a bit, scraping together all that remains of his discipline to successfully wipe the smile from his face with a slow exhale. there. he thinks it should be fine enough now. he perhaps doesn't feel not-drunk just yet, but he can do a much better job at acting the part.

which all lends quite well to the question which follows - ' what is there that you wouldn't say?' - because if jiang wanyin delivered such a word as 'nipple' with utter seriousness, he owes it to his offer to do precisely the same. ) I could tell you the name of the blue drink, if you'd like. It's fantastically impolite.

[ Jiang Cheng makes an indignant little noise and fakes a glower though his lips are already twitching. Fortunately, that is something Xiao Xingchen can't see. He takes another large gulp from his drink, emptying the glass, though he is somewhat annoyed now at the lack of effect it is having on him. ]

Fantastically impolite? [ He gives him an arch doubtful look. ] You're giving me high expectations, I hope you can keep up.

[ As if that isn't going to be easy, as easily as he is flustered - but there's no need to actually admit to that. ]

( the echo of 'fantastically impolite?' earns an affirmative hum and the tiniest nod, most diligent in this approximation of dignity now. and once jiang wanyin's words are through, it's with that very same poise that he offers (after a brief pause, perhaps for suspense), )

I believe he called it the 'Adios, Motherfucker'. ( and it's delivered with a distinct lack of shame, just as jiang wanyin's 'nipple' was. ) 'Adios' is, by my understanding, a term which means 'farewell'.

[ Jiang Cheng is... just going to need a moment here to process the fact that Xiao Xingchen, the famed daozhang, has just been vulgar. Even if only in the context of cocktail names. It still counts.

So there he sits, wide-eyed. ] You said motherfucker [ he echoes numbly because that's where he is now, as far as coherent thoughts go.

And he still isn't even the tiniest bit drunk. ]

( you see?? it's not so easy after all, to maintain decorum when someone has said so unexpected a thing. xingchen feels inexplicably vindicated in his nipple-related laughter as the stunned silence stretches on.

then, 'you said motherfucker.' it's spoken almost as if he's reached out and slapped him, and xingchen can't help it - his disciplined facade crumbles briefly into a grin again before lips press together and he regains composure. )

I did, ( he confirms. ) And what have you to say about it?

[ No, no, it really isn't easy to maintain decorum under such circumstances. It isn't easy when he is absolutely certain that Xiao Xingchen is only barely holding back from laughing at him, either.

He scowls, a very pouty scowl at that, and opens his mouth to argue some more but... What does he even have to say? ]

You're not supposed to use words like that [ he finally offers. ]

Wasn't that the point of the exercise? ( he truly is just barely holding back, a lilt of humor in his tone even as he distinctly fails to break composure. ) To say that which I shouldn't so that we might be even?

That's... That's not even...!

[ He isn't even drunk and yet here he is, sputtering and deeply flustered. The universe is truly an unfair place. ]

That was not the exercise [ he finally declares solemnly, attempting at some kind of haughty dignity to hopefully let Xiao Xingchen forget that he had started this. ] There is no exercise. You are drunk.

Am I? ( yes, yes he is, but he's doing so well (at least he thinks he is) at acting now as though he isn't. he isn't laughing, he's fixed his posture (what little it lapsed in the first place, which wasn't that much). he even releases his tiny hold on jiang cheng's sleeve now to fold his hands in his lap. ) I'm afraid you have no proof of that.

That...! I...! You...!

[ Oh, the outrage! His outrage could fuel... something. Maybe his own robot body. If only he could run on outrage alone, he would never run out of battery.

He shoots him a cranky look, not that Xiao Xingchen is likely to appreciate that. ] Oh yes? Well if you're sober, prove it!

( his chin lifts just slightly, the most subtle of challenges. ) And how should I do that? ( he might very well do it, if a suggestion is posed. )

[ Umm... That is a very good question and Jiang Cheng has no answer.

Time to bullshit. He makes an irritated noise and lifts his empty glass. ] Prove you are still coordinated by getting me another drink.

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN>** I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

pretend those last brackets said jiang wanyin, i'm a failure

no subject