daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

I have.

Why?

[ He's not handling this well, Jiang Cheng knows as much, but he also has no delusions it would be going better in person. In person, there would just be more yelling and agitated pacing. ]

I thought that they were already dead.

( a long pause, perhaps long enough that jiang wanyin nearly (or successfully) sends a reply, but then - )

The Shudong area, particularly surrounding Yi City, was plagued by puppeted corpses. I thought that it was some sort of curse. I spent much of the last two years doing battle against it, but I could never predict where it would strike and by the time I arrived each time, every last one of the villagers had been turned. I spent much of this time cleansing villages. Cutting down corpses, burning them.

I discovered eventually, after far too long and far too many dead, that they weren't truly corpses at all. One whom I trusted had learned how to trick Frostwork's call, and those whom it told me were corpses reborn were innocent men, women, and children cut tongueless so they could not plead their cases.

I never once stopped to consider this possibility. Rather than the most basic of due diligence, I foolishly trusted that my companion would not lead me off the path I walked. Villages lie empty by my hand, piles of bodies burned to ash.

Yes, I have killed.

[ This fits with what he had learned from the juniors but it's still harder to hear it right from the source. Especially since now, he is wondering how it affected Xiao Xingchen instead of only worrying about Jin Ling's safety. ]

You trusted your companion. It is not wrong to trust in those closest to you, it is wrong of them to betray it.

But you did kill these people.

We all have to live with our mistakes.

[ And this man seems to be punishing himself for his mistakes already. A good thing, in Jiang Cheng's book. It should hurt. If something like that didn't pain you, you would be no ally. ]

We do, and I will.

( whether or not he intended to live with what he had done, such is what fate (or the fog god) has chosen for him. )

This can be a second chance. A place to save lives.

[ Offering comfort. Optimism. He's not good at that. But he is trying. ]

It can be. I plan to try.

I suppose you understand now, why you don't have to worry that I might allow myself to embrace the Fog.

Edited 2020-08-16 22:39 (UTC)

I understand, yes.

I heard rumors about you. I didn't want to think badly of you but I had to be sure how you feel about what happened.

[ There is a lot more to it than what he had known, too, so maybe he's partially regretting having asked at all. ]

Edited 2020-08-16 23:09 (UTC)

And what did these rumors claim?

Does it matter? I know now where I stand with you, rumors aside.

( it does matter. xingchen would like to know what word has reached lotus pier that made jiang wanyin so wary, if only because none of that which he did should have reached the cultivation world at large. the villages were small and far from the traveled path. there were no survivors. even if word might have spread of what had occurred, there was nothing which could have implicated him in the acts.

except for xue yang himself.

but ultimately, he recognizes that digging up precisely what xue yang has done to his reputation since his death is a road which leads only to madness. xingchen shattered his soul, so he could not be reanimated like zichen had been. anything beyond that, he deserves for all that he has done. )

You're right. Forgive me.

I'm glad to hear that you are still comfortable working together. I would understand, if you weren't.

It's fine. I said it's fine, didn’t I?

If I thought badly of you our first meeting in Bavan would have gone very differently

[ Because he knows already he won't let bygones be bygones. If his enemies ever show up here he will continue the fight. That this is a different world changes nothing. ]

You're right.

Today has been trying. I don't mean to be difficult or to second-guess your judgment. I should probably rest.

Thank you for checking in today. I'll be in touch tomorrow with further news on the meteors.

[ It's when their travels take them back into the direction of Bavan that Jiang Cheng separates himself from his travel companions for a day, braving the city they had actually been planning to avoid until things calmed down.

It would have been nice enough to avoid the latest disaster striking Bavan just once but with Xiao Xingchen still in the city and determined to stay there and help, it's where he needs to go to check on him.

And check on him Jiang Cheng feels he must, even if the last thing he wants right now is face anyone who knows him in person. Not with his voice as it is...

He seeks out the address that had been given to him and knocks without calling out, feeling like his heart is racing with anxiety though he strongly suspects he doesn't even have a heart anymore - at least no heartbeat anymore, and why should he, when it is no longer blood that flows when he cuts himself. And now, as he speaks, it isn't his own natural voice that comes out of his mouth. His speakers' imitation of his voice sounds reminiscent of a gramophone recording, not that Jiang Cheng would be able to pinpoint it as such. He just knows that it fills him with horror every time he makes a noise, so he tries to avoid it. ]

( by now, xingchen has gotten well-enough acquainted with the low-end hotel in which he has been staying that he's able to move about the room much like he might have were he still able to call on his qi. the city outside, well, that's... still a work-in-progress, for certain. and there has only really been so much xingchen could do, once the meteors stopped and everyone just started falling asleep.

fortunately (or, perhaps, predictably), jiang wanyin had distinctly failed to be one of them. though they've been in very little contact over the last couple of days, it has largely been due to their prevailing fatigue (xingchen's, especially - it's far too easy for fatigue to disorient him, without his qi) making topics beyond brief check-ins difficult to come by and these laptops feel that much more foreign and ambiguous to continue to function.

but that preternatural pull into the depths of unconsciousness has finally released its hold on them, and after what was probably not nearly enough sleep for either one of them, he's been told to expect jiang wanyin at his door.

and sure enough, there's the knock. no words, but who else would come calling? no one but perhaps the proprietor, and this knock was a bit too authoritative for that. and so xingchen opens the door with a welcoming smile. )

Jiang-zongzhu, ( he greets, stepping back to allow the man to come inside.

what with it being a rented suite (and one rented by xiao xingchen, no less), very few signs of life can be found throughout the small living area and the adjacent sleeping area - most of which sit on the single table, including a bottle of bleach (relatedly, note the lack of blood staining his robes), a bag containing some tea blends, and a bakery container. in fact, he's stepping over to said bakery container as soon as the door is closed, fingertips finding it easily and lifting the lid open to reveal three pastries of various sorts lingering inside. ) I've come to learn that not all of us are still able to eat such foods, but if you are, I've picked up an extra for you.

Edited 2020-08-19 00:24 (UTC)

[ Jing Cheng stills, hovering on the threshold for a long moment in uncertainty. He will have to thank him now, will have to greet him... He tenses. Coming here had been a mistake. If he were any less of a coward, or if he could even make an excuse without having to speak up, chances are he would.

Instead, he forces himself to walk inside, as reluctant as a man walking to his own execution or at the very least into an all-day one-on-one meeting with Sect Leader Yao.

He stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, too caught up in his own dilemma to even pay much attention to his surroundings.

But there is no avoiding it. Not for long. ]

Thank you, Daozhang [ he says, trying to keep his voice quiet, hoping that will disguise the change. It doesn't, of course. The gramophone-like imitation of his voice issued by the speakers that have replaced his voice box sounds can't be disguised, no matter how quietly speaks.]

( for as much as this was jiang wanyin's idea to visit at all, he seems terribly reticent about it. xingchen doesn't quite know him well enough to hazard a guess at why - are xingchen's living conditions not up to standard? has he touched a sensitive spot regarding jiang-zongzhu's ability to eat proper foods?

(xingchen hopes it's reticence rooted in grudging obligation. he briefly considers whether he has said or done anything to make jiang wanyin feel like he had to pay a visit - anything implying helplessness, perhaps, or he supposes even loneliness - but nothing comes to mind.)

but finally the man speaks - 'thank you, daozhang' - and, oh. xingchen stills for a moment, then he 'looks' to jiang wanyin, brow knitting faintly under the upper edge of his bandaging as if the man has said something much more concerning than 'thank you'. )

Of course, ( he says after a moment. he's unable to shake the note of sympathy from his tone, but alongside it is something more decisive - the distinct recognition that it isn't something to be addressed aloud, now or perhaps ever.

his hand leaves the container of pastries, and instead he crosses the small distance into the living area where xingchen sinks down on the floor to one side of the coffee-table, his back to the front of an armchair. (forgive him his force of habits, raised seating still hasn't quite grown on him.)

there's a clear assumption that jiang wanyin will follow in some shape or form, perhaps find somewhere to settle now that they're clearly Not Discussing It. ) I've been meaning to ask, ( he says, ) If it would be too forward to ask you to call me Xingchen. Or Xiao Xingchen, if you insist on the formality.

Xiao Xingchen then. [ They may be of the same generation, and so familiar addresses would be acceptable, but it still feels like more familiarity too soon than Jiang Cheng is strictly comfortable with. Keeping people at an arm's length isn't as easy here as it was at home but he can still try his best, if driven by nothing but sheer stubbornness.

He is terribly interested as to the why - and yet he hasn't missed how Xiao Xingchen has just completely skipped any comment about his changed voice, though he must be burning with questions. How rude it would be to thank him by peppering him with questions. ]

Have you been well? [ he asks, instead, still keeping his voice quiet. A more roundabout way to ask why, maybe. ]

( the formality is unnecessary but certainly understandable, and still very much preferable to 'daozhang' at current.

as for the question, ) Well enough, ( he says, but this man (while perhaps not yet a friend, he supposes) is not a stranger, and so xingchen confesses, ) Weary, as one might expect, but it seems that I've gotten off quite easy compared to both those who slept and those who fell at ill odds with the meteor hail.

( for what it's worth, there's no rule claiming that xingchen can only be questioned if he has been so bold as to do so first. if anything, it should be the other way around. jiang wanyin is far more closed-off than he, and while xingchen is loath to burden another with his personal struggles, a simple explanation of his choice would hardly accomplish such a thing.

meanwhile, jiang-zongzhu has neither claimed a pastry nor moved to join him. xingchen had almost forgotten what difficulties the gentry have with informalities, nonverbal cues, anything but direct invitation at times such as these, so he finally offers a, ) Would you like to sit? Surely you're tired from your journey. ( and from what little sleep he must have gotten these last handful of days. )

[ Thing is that he is actually not exhausted at all from walking so much, not even the sleep deprivation is getting to him as it should, and that is far more disturbing than being dead on his feet would be. But he doesn't want to get into that, or even think about it, so he nods... Then catches himself, and says aloud ] Thank you, Xiao-xiong. [ Then winces a little at that informality, not calling him Daozhang feels so incredibly rude. Oh well.

He takes a seat and sits there awkwardly smoothing wrinkles from his robes. ] I'm well. You have worked far harder than I did helping out here in Bavan. I was only exploring.

( xiao-xiong. once upon a time, he and zichen both gave this very man's former sect-brother a sharp sort of sideways glance for that very phrase - but xingchen was young and terribly proud, blissfully ignorant to how difficult such a thing as one who calls him 'friend' might be to come by later in life. it arrives now with a feeling not unlike the times he has found himself caught in the rain, only to have a kind market-goer appear by his side with an umbrella held overhead.

that said, he's certainly not unaware of the discomfort such a thing must cause jiang wanyin (the term sounded very much like something he was trying on for fit, not at all settled into), and so he tempers the smile it earns so as not to obligate the man to use it again.

the man finally moves to take a seat, and the smile (nearly faded by now) renews to something closer to a tired grin at the words that follow. ) You flatter me, ( he says, a note of humor in his tone, ) If I did more than hover and fret, that's news to me... Though I was especially diligent at both. ( he has enough distance from the crisis - distance and fatigue as well - that the edges of it have softened to something less urgent, more able to make mild self-depreciative jokes over.

which reminds him, ) Were I to replenish my stock of medicinal herbs, should I do so at Hyacinth House or is there somewhere else you might recommend?

If you had Hyacinth House recommended to you, then you should follow that advice. I only spent a couple of days in Bavan when I first arrived and have since never been back for longer than absolutely necessary. I barely know anything here beyond the inn I stayed at and the clinic.

[ This city, Bavan, had been a nightmare experience to Jiang Cheng, and now it is too deeply intertwined with his horror of first learning of his kidnapping and his impending transformation. It is a place he can barely stand to reside in when he must. But now it does leave him very aware how little he actually knows about the place. ]

I'm sure you did far more than hover and fret. But if you want to do more still, you could see if they need volunteers at the clinic some monsters are running. They might even have paid work, I'm not sure. I have only been there once or twice with other patients.

( it's such an odd discrepancy in perspective, the fact that jiang wanyin has precious little experience with bavan compared to the rest of this world and yet bavan is the only sliver of this world that xingchen has yet experienced. and here xingchen is used to being the well-traveled one. funny how such things have shifted. )

I might just do that, thank you, ( he says, to the advice about the clinic - which is approximately when it occurs to him that his hospitality has been a bit lax, and he offers, ) Would you like some tea? I could put on a pot. ( is jiang wanyin still able to drink tea? what a thing to have to wonder. )

[ Jiang Cheng has been wary of water ever since making some worrisome experiences with it while bathing but so far, at least, food and drinks haven't harmed him.

Thus, he hesitates more because he is still uncertain he truly wants to be drawn into a pleasant conversation before saying, ] Only if it is no trouble to you.

[ There, that's pleasant enough, now he can go back to glaring at his own hands. His own change and Xiao Xingchen's upcoming one feels like it stands between them right now, he finds himself incapable of thinking of a single pleasant thing to say when all he can think about is the voice with which he would have to say it. So yes, there he sits in more awkward silence.

This visit is sure going well. ]

( the hesitation is noted, an uncomfortable sort of stillness to jiang wanyin's posture - as though all of this is something he's putting himself through despite having decided to check in on xingchen in the first place. )

It isn't, ( he assures, and this is normally where he would stand to go put on a pot of tea, but he doesn't. instead he pauses for a moment, and - ) If you would rather not linger here, I understand. You meant to check in on me, and you see now that I'm alive and well. ( jiang wanyin is a welcome guest, but xingchen would rather he not stay out of any sense of obligation. )

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN>** I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

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action, several days later

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