daozhangs | ic inbox, ryslig.

( this is bad. jiang wanyin showing up at his door is not something that xingchen is currently equipped to handle. but even as he sends a - )

Please don’t

( - he already knows it isn’t going to stop him.

he needs to clean. there’s blood somewhere, he can smell it, it’s on the floor with the pile of teeth (should he warn him of the teeth?) and on the stove where he made himself tea just after he changed, as if that could have possibly helped.

how long does it take to reach bavan? how long does xingchen have to clean up before jiang wanyin arrives and sees- this, whatever mess it is that xingchen has become.

he feels dizzy, and he’s fairly certain that he’s bitten his tongue. )

You're not doing anything to convince me otherwise.

[ More like, the exact opposite.

Xiao Xingchen is always so eager to be accomodating and helpful and welcoming, he has never been anything less than inviting towards Jiang Cheng since the first time they met.

Just how bad must it be? How much does he have to hide? ]

Did you kill?

No

( no, he definitely didn’t kill. not that he isn’t fully equipped to do so now, these claws and teeth... )

You don’t have to do this

( he doesn’t have to come all this way. he was just in bavan less than a week ago, and jiang wanyin has never liked this city.

a slightly longer pause this time. )

Would you like tea

Of course I will want tea if I come all the way to Bavan.

[ Oh. He's making a mess of this, isn't he? But showing concern is hard and he is honestly worried here. It's so infuriating. ]

I do have to do this. I owe it to myself to check on an unwell ally.

I will prepare tea

( he may be a monstrous host, but the least he can do is try to be a hospitable one.

unfortunately, while tea is indeed prepared (he's even managed to set a mug by the stove, a harder task now that he has to factor in these claw-ended fingers), that is.... just about the only thing he manages. entirely too much of his sense of place relies on carefully updating and recalling his mental map of the room around him, and right now his mind is barely better than static. two other half-finished mugs of tea are scattered around the modest living space, two more attempts to grasp at normalcy. the one at the kitchen table was clearly held with bloodied hands, and though he makes a solid attempt to clean the blood from the stove area, he only manages to get about half of it done before the scent of the cleanser (so much stronger than before) has him letting go of the cloth, letting it fall to the floor as he steps away and coughs into the crook of his elbow.

but there's so much more he needs to clean, not least of all himself somehow - he's in just his innermost robe, the outer one had quite a bit more blood on it and he had yet to deal with that for fear of tearing them on his newfound claws. would he even be able to get the blood out before jiang wanyin arrives? the thought of how strong the bleach would smell turns his stomach, and he resolves instead to simply tuck those (and the trousers which no longer fit) out of sight. but where did he leave them? he stills, trying to picture the room, but it's as it was before - clean and precise, not at all reflective of the blood in the kitchen or the scattering of human teeth on his carpet or wherever it is that he's placed his robe.

his despairing sigh is alarmingly close to a whine.

but the disorientation breeds dizziness, and he's still terribly unsteady on these longer legs, unsteady and no longer able to gauge his distance by the size of each step, and ultimately even he who was once a daozhang is forced to admit once again that this is just too much to take care of right now. he knew from the start that it was, it's why he resisted so terribly, but jiang wanyin refused to grant him that mercy and xingchen had to at least try to make less of a mess of things, even just a little.

when jiang wanyin arrives, there's no answer at the front door, but it's left unlocked for him. the small apartment is a mess, between the scattered mugs and the blood and the teeth and the bloodied robe (which is draped over a chair, along with his trousers - if only xingchen had recalled doing so, they were right in reach the whole time). the bathroom door is shut, and that one is locked. the light is on. it's safe to assume that's where xingchen has placed himself.

but at least there's tea? )

[ Jiang Cheng arrives to an unlocked door and complete silence - which is not the worst thing he had been braced for, maybe, but it's certainly not putting him in an optimistic mood, either. He steps carefully into the apartment, calling out for Xiao Xingchen as he does so. ]

Xiao-xiong? I'm here now. I've come alone. Where are you?

[ Hiding, obviously, as Jiang Cheng should have expected...

Jiang Cheng's thoughts grind to a halt the moment he actually takes in his surroundings, and becomes aware of the grinding sound beneath his boot. He knows that grinding. He is unfortunately familiar with that grinding.

He has just stepped on teeth.

His eyes take in the blood in the kitchen area, the bloody overrobe slung over the chair, the mug with bloody handprints abandoned on the kitchen table... The smell hangs heavy in the air and he wonders briefly how he hadn't recognized it as soon as he opened the door. These past months without night hunts have let him become lazy and dulled his senses.

Now he feels all alert all of a sudden, and alarm flares high in him again along with a burning that runs down his arms and centers in his fingertips, like something wants to burst forth from them. ]

Xiao Xingchen! [ he barks as he turns around in a circle, his hand tight on his sword. ] Show yourself!

( he hears jiang wanyin's arrival, the greeting ('xiao-xiong', and xingchen at once feels worse for leaving such an alarming scene for one calls him 'friend'), and he picks himself up from the bathroom floor, moving over to the door. his mouth opens with every intention of calling a quiet, 'in here,' but just as jiang wanyin struggled to bring himself to speak with his new voice, xingchen finds it so desperately difficult to hazard words that he knows will come out blatantly misshapen.

but his hesitation has cost him, and now jiang wanyin makes demands. xingchen has no intention of showing himself, so he hopes the earlier request (a simple indication of his whereabouts) is enough - he sets a palm on the bathroom door, wincing at the faint scrape of claws without quite realizing it's only overloud to him, and calls - )

I'm here. ( it's just loud enough to be heard from the living room, but even still he sounds like he's been punched repeatedly in the mouth and the swelling has yet to go down. )

[ He whirls around, searching for the source of the distorted but familiar voice before realizing that it is coming from deeper in the apartment. Jiang Cheng hesitates for another moment, finding it hard to tear himself away from the sight of the bloody horror scene in the kitchen. He sucks in a sharp breath and finally tears himself away from the disturbing sight, forcing his feet deeper into the apartment.

His eyes catch sight of the light coming from under the bathroom door and he quickly walks over, yanking at the handle and unsurprised to find it locked. ] Xiao Xingchen! Are you well? Are you injured? Tell me or I'm breaking down that door!

( though he knows it's locked, xingchen still finds himself stepping back from the door as jiang wanyin storms up to the other side of it, as if the man might just leap directly for breaking the door down rather than trying to converse through it.

luckily, he seems to be offering options, and xingchen steps back to the door for volume's sake. ) I'm not injured. ( slow, carefully enunciated words. ) The blood was from the change. I meant to clean it up before you arrived. ( somehow he's managed to sound sorry for his poor excuse for hospitality, even in this state.

it almost seems like he's going to leave it there, but after a brief pause and with the faintest tight note of despair leaking through his composure, ) I thought that I'd change more slowly. ( which is, perhaps, the closest he'll come to admitting how overwhelmed he truly is right now. )

There are teeth on the floor! [ Jiang Cheng bursts out, not feeling at all like this is the time to be measured or let himself be sent off with half-hearted reassurances. Not with the teeth and the blood and... ] That can't be normal! Something must have gone wrong with your change!

[ Daryl had already been disturbed by his own change and coughing up blood so that must mean the transformation is supposed to be painless and unbloody, right? It's supposed to be that gift Aunamee had nattered on about. ]

We have to take you to a doctor! There's got to be something wrong with you!

( xingchen hadn't considered that - the possibility that something had gone wrong. that this isn't normal, that it can be fixed. he honestly doesn't dare hope such is the case. after that very first day, his body has felt stable enough, even if his mind and stomach have not. )

I've grown new teeth, ( he admits with no small note of reluctance, perhaps even apprehension. he's not entirely sure what they look like, but they feel grotesque.

he swallows hard, then concedes: ) We have doctors? ( monstrous doctors, or at least doctors who deal with such things. xingchen knew there was a clinic, but that could just as easily be manned by volunteers with basic first-aid supplies as by actual studied doctors. )

[ He has new teeth. He has... Jiang Cheng leans against the door, eyes squeezed shut, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he deals with the reeling from that. Mostly just lets it happen because he doesn't even know...

New teeth. Yeah, no, he's got nothing. ]

I don't know if they are actual doctors but they work at this clinic here in Bavan which the monsters frequent. I've never been treated by them but I have visited their patients before. [ He himself hasn't trusted these doctors enough to seek out their counsel, hadn't wanted to know what was happening with him so he could cling to ignorance just a little longer. But this situation... ] They might know if this is normal.

[ New teeth. And he can't actually let things go, so despite his best efforts, what slips out is, ] What do you mean you've got new teeth?

( if it's any consolation, this is just as bewildering to xingchen as it is to jiang wanyin - perhaps even more so. he has heard very little of the changes of others, but those he had heard of seemed either largely benign or slow in onset, sometimes even both. these, well. these changes are neither such thing. and while this may truthfully be precisely what he deserves, he has not yet reached the acceptance of such a fact in the face of the much more pressing need to figure out how to live in such a form. )

I mean, ( he says, slow and carefully patient (with his own speech impediment, not with his impromptu houseguest). ) That my own teeth fell out and new ones grew where they once were. ( that's not even the worst of it, but jiang wanyin seems quite horrified enough. there's no need to worsen the situation by sharing anything further. )

Nothing has worsened since I changed. No further blood. ( if it sounds like he's possibly talking himself out of the notion of visiting a doctor, it's because he is - for many reasons, but one most prominently: ) I-... I'm not sure that I'm able to travel, even so short a distance. ( even if he could, his robe is a bloody mess and he no longer fits into his trousers. )

[ He would indeed not react well to the rest of the story, Jiang Cheng's stress levels are already sky-high after everything that happened in the last two weeks, but without that knowledge, he does paint some bizarre picture in his mind. A creature mostly unchanged yet with sharp monstrous teeth. How strange. And hadn't he implied that there had been many changes at once, overwhelming ones? But other than "he's probably bloody" Jiang Cheng doesn't have enough to picture it. ]

No more blood is good? [ It comes out as a question and he hates himself for it but honestly, he doesn't even know this much. It should be good but in his case, he had needed to get rid of now excess tissue to make room for the metal and plastic that had taken its place. So maybe no blood is sometimes good and sometimes bad? ]

I don't know if I can call the doctor. I don't know if they do house calls. But I can insist!

( it's true, no more blood is good. and though xingchen had never considered the possibility of calling a doctor to his temporary residence, jiang wanyin seems very nearly ready to go to war for it.

xingchen's lips curl at the corners for the first time since his change.

his guest may hear vague sounds of movement, the clicking of something against tile. then his voice comes from quite a bit lower - it seems that xingchen has taken a seat on the floor beside the door. ) Jiang-xiong? ( it's fair game, the '-xiong'-ing, now that jiang wanyin has started it. ) I'm afraid there's little that a doctor might do. But... if you don't mind, could you stay for a few minutes? You can keep yelling, if you'd like. ( even the yelling is helping, which says quite a bit. it's grounding, perhaps not quite so much with a door in between them but that can't be helped.

belatedly, he remembers to add: ) I made the tea.

Yelling? Who's yelling here?! [ Well, technically he's not yelling right now, more like barking at the door. This is his commanding unruly juniors voice, not his throttling Wei Wuxian voice, so it is technically not really yelling. He rolls his eyes anyway, though that is lost on the thoroughly unimpressed door. ]

I... I'll get the tea later. Thank you. [ It's hard not to laugh at the sheer bizarre hilarity of this, this entire mess feels like a dark and cruel joke and he... He'll be damned if he knows how to handle this gracefully, at least. So he just keeps leaning against the door, feeling very tired from everything and honestly, he is considering to sit down. ] I can stay with you. I don't mind.

( a trickle of something like relief washes through him when the other man agrees to stay, washing away just a bit of the tension that seems to squeeze at his lungs, and he lets his head rest gently back against the door. this is perhaps the least dizzy he has felt in days, or at least the longest he has felt as such. he knows it's not a part of his change. he felt very much this same sort of dizzy when a-qing told him of their companion's identity. )

I'm sorry to have worried you, and that you came all this way on my account, ( he says, ) But I'm glad that you have. It's... a relief, more so than I expected.

[ Jiang Cheng gives a snort in response and finally lets himself sink to the floor, which is blessedly free of teeth he has to dodge. Well. There are a few right by his foot, which he kicks away with a disgusted grimace.

He hates the Fog God. He hates this place. He really, really hates this place. ]

Of course I'm going to be here. Who do you take me for? [ Some kind of fairweather ~~friend~~ ally? Certainly not. ] You were here for me when I needed you, weren't you? You insisted nobody should have to go through this alone.

( he did, didn't he? he insisted that very thing. funny how only now does he realize he never intended for such a thing to go both ways. he doesn't quite know how to accept it going both ways, beyond just the most basic comfort of someone's company. he doesn't know how to willingly burden someone with his struggles when every single person here has struggles of their own.

...realization strikes him, and he huffs out a scolding breath meant only for himself before asking, ) How was it for you? The Fog, I mean. ( and why has it taken xingchen four whole days to ask him that? )

[ These had been four whole days of being able to pretend that he isn't handling this as badly as he is, in fact, handling it. Jiang Cheng appreciated the reprieve, though it's over now. He can't lie to a daozhang and he's already learned that Xiao Xingchen won't be easily dissuaded. ]

I changed some more. But I didn't lose any teeth.

[ He just panicked and chopped away at his own arm but... there is no need for Xiao Xingchen to know that. ]

( perhaps one day down the line, they'll reach a point where they no longer hide the nuances of their changes from one another - or perhaps such a thing is a pipe dream. for now, the answer that jiang wanyin gives is accepted at face value, regardless of his doubts that such a thing was even close to the full story. )

That's good, ( he says, ) about the teeth. I hope the rest wasn't too drastic. ( there's a conclusive note to it to suggest that he's letting the answer sit rather than using such a comment to fish for more on the topic. he's not entirely sure what other changes jiang wanyin might be going through - all that he has learned so far of the man's changes is that they have altered his voice. )

[ Um. Yeah. Drastic. That... He looks down at the robot hand, which is in the final stages of rebuilding itself. He can only assume it will be fully restored by the time the Fog comes to an end. ]

Nothing drastic, no. [ It was a single limb. That isn't drastic, right? Close enough, anyway. His reaction had been drastic but the change feels so measly after the gory bloodbath he has found in the kitchen and whatever still has Xiao Xingchen trapped in the bathroom. ] Don't worry about me. It's not that bad.

( of course he's telling xingchen not to worry for him. to expect anything different would have been true evidence that he doesn't know jiang wanyin at all. he hums quietly, thoughtfully, and after a moment - ) I think I'll keep worrying about you, actually. ( it's a nice change, after the last few days of worrying about himself. ) But I won't make you talk about it.

Good. Because you'd be wasting your time waiting for me to talk about it. [ Which is as much as a confession, isn't it? He sighs. ] I won't say that it has been easy. The change and... other things that happened. But I don't even want to think about it now.

[ Except he can't exactly ignore the state of his hand, at least. Even the porcelain was better than having exposed what lays underneath. ]

You need to worry about your own changes. Don't bother yourself with mine. You're too nice.

( though the words were meant entirely as an effort to allow the conversation to drop, it doesn't rest quite so easily as he expected. and so he listens wordlessly, to both what's said and the tone in which he says it. such things are much more clear than they might have been before the change, enough so that he even catches the sigh without difficulty. if only it were so easy to see the silver lining to such sharpened senses once he ventures beyond this bathroom, but the world is so terribly loud and full of strong smells, it has mostly just added one more layer of stimuli to his overwhelm.

'you need to worry about your own changes,' jiang wanyin says now. 'don't bother with mine. you're too nice.' ) Perhaps I am, ( he says, words still carefully enunciated even as he grows slightly more used to speaking around his new mouthful of teeth. he doesn't think it has anything to do with being nice - if anything, it's selfish, since jiang wanyin's distress brings him far greater unrest than his own and he'd like to do all that he can to remedy it. but now isn't the time to argue over nuance. ) And yet here I am, worrying over you. I suppose you'll just have to accept it. I hear that I'm quite stubborn when I wish to be.

( but after even what little jiang-xiong has said on the topic of his own last few days, he does have to ask one last thing before it rests: ) Are you alright now? ( however taxing this fog has been. )

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, XIAO.XINGCHEN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * XIAO.XINGCHEN has joined 018.07.154.55 <XIAO.XINGCHEN> You have reached Xiao Xingchen. <XIAO.XINGCHEN>** I am often away from my laptop, but I will do my best to answer as soon as I'm able.

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